I Battle Depression and Anxiety

Everything is destroying me, especially school. I am in all honors classes and am already failing 2 of them. I have nervous breakdowns from my homework because I fear doing it wrong, and most of the time just give up and don't even try. The worst part about this is that I fear failing and disappointing people. Along with all of this amazing stuff in school, I fear being judged. I even worry about just going to throw away trash. What makes it even better is that I feel like my friends are saying things about me, and I have know them since first grade. Even if they aren't, it seems like they are keeping secrets from me. I also have to hear my mom yell at me every five minutes, if I am actually lucky enough to be around her for that long. Or she is saying, "cool" when I tell her I was recommended into honors for the class I used to struggle most in, but yelling at me for having 20 missing assignments. I only get 3-5 hours of sleep every night because I'm usually having nonstop thoughts about how my friends secretly hate me, how I'm just a failure and disappointment, how I am really just untalented, how I am really hated for being me, and whatever "amazing" thought comes to my mind. Or I am struggling to get my mind off of something like a test, an embarrassing moment, and anything else that did or could go wrong with either the current day or the next day when I wake up. The very little sleep I get from my stupid thoughts makes it even harder for me to focus and learn the next day, which doesn't help with me doing the work because no matter how hard or easy it is, I already feel like I am going to mess up on it, and losing my ability to focus makes me feel like I have no knowledge about the work at all, which doesn't help with the thoughts that are going through my head, which doesn't help with sleep. I seriously just want to die, my life is to difficult and really doesn't seem like it has any meaning to others, especially the ones I hear say "I'm disappointed in you," and I am failing. But I'm also scared I might miss the accomplishments of the people I care about, even if I feel like they hate me. Life is throwing me all over the place, I absolutely hate it.