I Hide My Depression From Everyone Who Knows Me

It is something I have dealt with my entire adult life. I have thought that I have had it under control, but I'm pretty sure that is just a lie I tell myself. I have withdrawn from everyone that has ever mattered to me. I come here and there are friends I have ignored here, ignored could be the wrong word. You try to chat with me and I see you in my inbox, but I don't know what to say to you. I read your questions, but I feel like my brain is in a fog and I just can't find the words to answer your simple questions. I read your stories and I feel I should, no I know I should, empathize with you and give you some kind words of reassurance, but I just can't do it. I just don't have the will to do it. Just writing this stupid thing took so much concentration I could barely do it and wanted to give up a quarter of the way through it. Depression is what it is, a companion that follows you and nags at you, but it is something I would rather it just went away and left me alone.

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SW-User

I don't think you should force yourself to do anything. I'd like to think that you commented on my stories because you wanted to, not because you felt like you had to.

It's okay to not talk to anyone sometimes, I have those days too. Just make sure you don't isolate yourself for too long, because I find that too much alone time makes my depression worse.

I have made my peace with the fact that I would never be completely rid of my depression... it's just something that gets pushed to the background while I'm occupied with something else. I accept that I will have bad days. I just have to remember that the bad days will not be there forever, even though it feels like it. You just have to find little things to help you cope.

Don't feel like you have to be someone you're not. Depression is a part of you unfortunately, but I think that it's a reason why you have a strong sense of empathy. Without it, you wouldn't be you. 🤗

SW-User

@SW-User everything I have ever said to you was genuine and done because I wanted to do it. :) I just meant all of the things I haven't said to people because I just couldn't bring myself to say it and it went unsaid because of my complete lack a motivation to make the effort I wanted to make.

Thank you for your words Arco 🤗

SW-User

@SW-User well I get that too. The thing is, we want to help people but sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. It's okay to be selfish. I think a couple of weeks back I was in that place where I felt apathetic to people's plights. I think whenever we give words of encouragement, we give away pieces of ourselves. Sometimes I feel empty, like I have nothing to give anymore. Maybe it's like that and you need to take some time for yourself to recharge.

And you're welcome 🤗