I Battle Depression

I am an average late 40's man. Everyone thinks I am funny and laid back. I have accomplished many things in my life that people admire. Or so I am told often. I am well educated. Financially I am ok. I have a family that loves me and friends that I have been super close with my whole life.

But behind my smile and jokes.. I simply want to die. Tonight, it has come upon me strongly. I know not from where. I am exhausted and very tired. I am broken inside. I feel no joy, only sadness, despair. I am desperately lonely in spite of people all around who love me. No one will ever understand.

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mikemerch · 70-79, M

You're the only one who has to understand it. The Wikipedia article on the triune brain is a good starting point. Although the triune model has passed out of vogue, the basic concept of the three stages of brain evolution, the reptilian, limbic and neocortical areas, is still a useful model for understanding the kind of dilemma you are in. The parts of your brain that are telling you to give up and die are coming from more primitive areas of your brain. They make no sense because they are not coming from the neocortex, which is where sense is made. Your situation is somewhat analogous to a phobia, a completely irrational response to a harmless situation. However, your case is much more dangerous. If these primitive regions of your brain are convinced that your best course of action is to kill yourself, then you surely will do just that. They are more powerful in determining choices and behavior than your rational mind. You need immediate professional help. At the very least you need anti-anxiety medications such as Lorazipam. See a doctor tomorrow, or you will leave a lot of people you love grieving without a clue of why you made your tragic choice. Best wishes to you.