I Battle Depression and Anxiety
Although I was terrified to post this on Facebook, I did, and the response was overwhelming...so I'm sharing it here as well.
Suicide is selfish.
In the wake of another high profile musician ending his own life, as well as approximately 120 other people in the U.S. alone (the daily average), I have to say that I am so sick of seeing that statement.
For those of you who hold this simplistic view of suicide, let me tell you something.
Those who contemplate, attempt or are successful in committing suicide are SUFFERING. They are not thinking "I care more about myself than my family so I'm going to just end it." They are TIRED of the pain, the STRUGGLE of getting through a single day. In many cases they are hearing "just be grateful, you have it better than a lot of people" or "just think positive!" or "man up." These sort of statements only trivialize their pain.
Imagine someone with a terminal illness that is eating them alive. We don't tell them to "just think positive" or to just "man up!". If they choose to end their own life, we do not look upon them as selfish because we can SEE that they are suffering.
Mental illness is primarily invisible. And yet, despite its lack of outward symptoms, it can be insidious in its attack on a person's well being and ability to function effectively.
I have dealt with anxiety and depression for nearly 25 years. Although I do not let it define me, it is with me Every. Single. Day.
If you met me and spoke with me, you most likely would not notice anything outwardly amiss. I run an EBay store, I'm married, raising a child, have a house, car and a dog.
I have it all, don't I? A roof, food, companionship? I should not have any reason to be anxious or depressed, right? Maybe I just don't realize how good I have it? Maybe I should just gain some perspective and realize that a lot of people are a hell of a lot worse off than me?
That sounds like an awesome solution, and so easy, right?
Wrong.
You see, that's not how mental illness works.
Mental illness often skews reality because the brain is just not functioning correctly. It's over reacting in one area or under reacting in another. When this is happening, "the power of positive thinking" simply does not work. When it keeps happening, day-in, day-out for weeks or months at a time, it becomes exhausting in such a way that everything feels....empty, for lack of a better word.
I myself have had moments of passive suicide ideation, not because I wanted to die, necessarily, but because the emptiness I felt seemed insurmountable. Fortunately, I have learned what works to get me out of that mindset: self awareness, self care, support and medication.
Besides medication, which thankfully is more socially acceptable than it was when I started taking it over 20 years ago, the other elements are severely lacking in today's world. As a society, we are taught to keep going, to never let up, and never allow others to see our weaknesses, let alone talk about them.
Twenty five years in the trenches and I still know people who feel they have to hide their struggle and always appear strong, happy and well adjusted.
We as a society look away from mental illness. We pretend that everything is fine when it is NOT.
And you know what? NOT BEING FINE IS OKAY. Some days I am not fine. I need to sleep a little more, or see my therapist, or reach out to a friend. I have learned to be aware of my mental needs and address them instead of always "pushing through"... and that is OKAY. I don't always have to be on top of my game, and neither does anyone else.
If you do not struggle with mental illness, that is great for you, but please educate yourself before passing quick judgement on something you know nothing about. Calling someone's act to end their pain "selfish" is only further marginalizing those who are currently struggling.
If you do struggle with mental illness, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Suicide is selfish.
In the wake of another high profile musician ending his own life, as well as approximately 120 other people in the U.S. alone (the daily average), I have to say that I am so sick of seeing that statement.
For those of you who hold this simplistic view of suicide, let me tell you something.
Those who contemplate, attempt or are successful in committing suicide are SUFFERING. They are not thinking "I care more about myself than my family so I'm going to just end it." They are TIRED of the pain, the STRUGGLE of getting through a single day. In many cases they are hearing "just be grateful, you have it better than a lot of people" or "just think positive!" or "man up." These sort of statements only trivialize their pain.
Imagine someone with a terminal illness that is eating them alive. We don't tell them to "just think positive" or to just "man up!". If they choose to end their own life, we do not look upon them as selfish because we can SEE that they are suffering.
Mental illness is primarily invisible. And yet, despite its lack of outward symptoms, it can be insidious in its attack on a person's well being and ability to function effectively.
I have dealt with anxiety and depression for nearly 25 years. Although I do not let it define me, it is with me Every. Single. Day.
If you met me and spoke with me, you most likely would not notice anything outwardly amiss. I run an EBay store, I'm married, raising a child, have a house, car and a dog.
I have it all, don't I? A roof, food, companionship? I should not have any reason to be anxious or depressed, right? Maybe I just don't realize how good I have it? Maybe I should just gain some perspective and realize that a lot of people are a hell of a lot worse off than me?
That sounds like an awesome solution, and so easy, right?
Wrong.
You see, that's not how mental illness works.
Mental illness often skews reality because the brain is just not functioning correctly. It's over reacting in one area or under reacting in another. When this is happening, "the power of positive thinking" simply does not work. When it keeps happening, day-in, day-out for weeks or months at a time, it becomes exhausting in such a way that everything feels....empty, for lack of a better word.
I myself have had moments of passive suicide ideation, not because I wanted to die, necessarily, but because the emptiness I felt seemed insurmountable. Fortunately, I have learned what works to get me out of that mindset: self awareness, self care, support and medication.
Besides medication, which thankfully is more socially acceptable than it was when I started taking it over 20 years ago, the other elements are severely lacking in today's world. As a society, we are taught to keep going, to never let up, and never allow others to see our weaknesses, let alone talk about them.
Twenty five years in the trenches and I still know people who feel they have to hide their struggle and always appear strong, happy and well adjusted.
We as a society look away from mental illness. We pretend that everything is fine when it is NOT.
And you know what? NOT BEING FINE IS OKAY. Some days I am not fine. I need to sleep a little more, or see my therapist, or reach out to a friend. I have learned to be aware of my mental needs and address them instead of always "pushing through"... and that is OKAY. I don't always have to be on top of my game, and neither does anyone else.
If you do not struggle with mental illness, that is great for you, but please educate yourself before passing quick judgement on something you know nothing about. Calling someone's act to end their pain "selfish" is only further marginalizing those who are currently struggling.
If you do struggle with mental illness, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
51-55, F
