I Have a Relative With Dementia
Last evening, I took my 91-year-old mother into urgent care. She had fallen and hurt her arm, and we all wanted to make sure she hadn't broken anything. She was also acting confused and disoriented, suggesting that she had some sort of infection.
Until recently, Mom didn't have a lot of trouble moving around. She had to walk with a walker, but she was generally pretty spry. Last night, though, she could barely move.
She also seemed disoriented in other ways. After we got away from the clinic, we went by my house for dinner before taking her back to her assisted living facility. She has been to my house many times over the 10 years. One of the first thing she asked was, "When did you get this house?"
She couldn't find her own way to the bathroom that she has used many, many times, and she couldn't comprehend directions. I had to physically walk her into the bathroom — and then, she didn't seem to understand that she was in a bathroom, although she was standing right in front of the toilet.
My wife and I drove her to her assisted living facility. Once we got there and started to go in, Mom said, "This isn't where I live."
She read the name of the facility from the sign on the outside, but still insisted that this was not where she lived. She has been there for nearly five years.
Inside, she recognized the manager's husband, but not the manager herself.
While we were helping her get ready for bed, Mom insisted that she was going to take her slippers to bed with her. My wife tried to take them away from her, and Mom threw a fit. "Don't you let her take away my shoes," Mom told me.
Recently, the manager told me that Mom had insisted that her mother, my grandmother, was in the room with her. Grandmother died 40 years ago.
This is all very difficult, especially because of everything else that is going on. My wife was recently diagnosed with a cerebral aneurysm. I'm having issues with my health. The institution where I work is having budgetary issues and there is the expectation that there will be layoffs come the new fiscal year this summer. I'm having a difficult time dealing with everything.
I think that Mom needs to go to a skilled nursing facility. The problem with that is that I don't know how we're going to pay for it. Currently, Mom's income consists of Social Security, my dad's military pension and a stipend from the Veteran's Administration for veterans and dependents who are in assisted living. The stipend does not apply to skilled nursing facilities. Even with it, she wouldn't have enough income to pay for even the least expensive skilled nursing facility in the area. I had hoped that she might qualify for state Medicaid, but it's unclear if she can or if that program will still continue in the future. My wife is on disability because of her health issues, so our ability to help my mother is limited, as the ability of my siblings to contribute.
I just needed to put this all down somewhere to help me think straight. Thanks for listening.
Until recently, Mom didn't have a lot of trouble moving around. She had to walk with a walker, but she was generally pretty spry. Last night, though, she could barely move.
She also seemed disoriented in other ways. After we got away from the clinic, we went by my house for dinner before taking her back to her assisted living facility. She has been to my house many times over the 10 years. One of the first thing she asked was, "When did you get this house?"
She couldn't find her own way to the bathroom that she has used many, many times, and she couldn't comprehend directions. I had to physically walk her into the bathroom — and then, she didn't seem to understand that she was in a bathroom, although she was standing right in front of the toilet.
My wife and I drove her to her assisted living facility. Once we got there and started to go in, Mom said, "This isn't where I live."
She read the name of the facility from the sign on the outside, but still insisted that this was not where she lived. She has been there for nearly five years.
Inside, she recognized the manager's husband, but not the manager herself.
While we were helping her get ready for bed, Mom insisted that she was going to take her slippers to bed with her. My wife tried to take them away from her, and Mom threw a fit. "Don't you let her take away my shoes," Mom told me.
Recently, the manager told me that Mom had insisted that her mother, my grandmother, was in the room with her. Grandmother died 40 years ago.
This is all very difficult, especially because of everything else that is going on. My wife was recently diagnosed with a cerebral aneurysm. I'm having issues with my health. The institution where I work is having budgetary issues and there is the expectation that there will be layoffs come the new fiscal year this summer. I'm having a difficult time dealing with everything.
I think that Mom needs to go to a skilled nursing facility. The problem with that is that I don't know how we're going to pay for it. Currently, Mom's income consists of Social Security, my dad's military pension and a stipend from the Veteran's Administration for veterans and dependents who are in assisted living. The stipend does not apply to skilled nursing facilities. Even with it, she wouldn't have enough income to pay for even the least expensive skilled nursing facility in the area. I had hoped that she might qualify for state Medicaid, but it's unclear if she can or if that program will still continue in the future. My wife is on disability because of her health issues, so our ability to help my mother is limited, as the ability of my siblings to contribute.
I just needed to put this all down somewhere to help me think straight. Thanks for listening.
61-69, M
