Eh... I'm tired...

I feel like I'm too old not to have learnt how to cope with loss.
Too old to have achieved absolutely nothing in my life.
A life that is currently falling apart.
And I've tried, I've tried so hard.

I've lost my appetite, haven't had more than one - maximum two - meals per day for weeks now and I'm losing my sleep.

My only two moods are going from blaming myself for everything that's wrong with my life to demanding an explanation, an apology, from people, the universe or whoever's responsible for this mess. And then back to hating myself.

I haven't left the house in weeks and the only two times I did, I somehow had to run into the man who thought that at the age of 15 I was old enough to consent just because I didn't scream right away. I hadn't seen him in years, why now?!

I am used to feeling lonely, anxious, worried. Which is also why I usually don't talk about it. It's when the symptoms become physical that I feel like I don't know how to deal with my mental state anymore.
I am so, so, so tired.