I Battle Bipolar Disorder

I used to belong to EP when it was around and told my whole elongated story of bipolar mania that led to my diagnosis....for now though I wish to speak of the darker side,the side I'm on now. I don't feel myself, and I haven't for a while, but when you have bipolar disorder, the real question is what version of yourself is the true you? I feel like I'm struggling with depression but can't put my thumb on it..I know, weird right? I find myself not feeling thrilled about anything and I feel like the most boring, drab version of myself. Where is the high of hypomania when you want it?! Where is the giddiness and hyperness and endless amounts of ENERGY when all you're feeling is like sleeping 24-7. It's eating at me and has been for a while. When your friend describes you as "The serious friend", or a friend asks you constantly "are you okay?", or "you look bored, are you having fun?" (when in your head this is the closest thing to fun you've had in a while)...I feel stuck. But if it were the opposite- I'd feel on the edge of losing control, it would be questions like "do you know you're talking 50 miles an hour?"...where is the happy medium. Lord I pray for the happy medium.