I have finally figured out what's wrong with me, to no avail 🙁

I'm like 95% sure I just have ADHD. I guess it became more apparent as mental health became a less stigmatised topic, yet I only recently realized that not everyone with ADHD is super hyper-active and that hyper-active can mean fiddling, standing up frequently, pacing, talking fast – I thought it meant constant running and screaming. I remember wondering, because I grew up with a kid who was said to have severe ADHD and he was kind of chill, even when he didn't take his medication. I had symptoms of the disorder since I was a child, and I think it might even have come up once, because I distinctively remember my mother once saying: "She can sit still and work on a drawing for 2 hours" in a defensive tone of voice, but I was born in 1992 when "women didn't have ADHD" lol. I was sent to psychologists, and even saw a few psychiatrists, throughout my entire childhood! I felt like I had some mysterious, undiagnosable illness which made we weird and unrelatable – I went through life thinking I was different from everyone else, and it's quite possibly all because I had one of the most common disorders ever... like, are you kidding me? I recently found out that untreated ADHD often leads to alcohol abuse, that could have been useful knowledge a decade ago! I literally only looked into it now because it's gotten worse, rather than better, with time. I spent my life thinking that I'll pull myself together and start doing the things I need to do every day. I'm in my 30'ies and I haven't been able to succeed at that yet. I start a projects, quit them, start other ones, and so the cycle continues infinitely. I'd sometimes stay on track for a month, but even then I'm not as productive as I think I could be. I had to think that it can't POSSIBLY be this difficult for everyone! 5 years ago I desperately decided to move to Ukraine, to my partner, because I felt so overwhelmed by my old life. Now I feel lost, I can't figure out how to focus on one thing, I can't just live normally. I think the alcohol abuse keeps making my ADHD symptoms worse, but I need it to calm down sometimes. Well, the sad thing is that now I live here, and the psychologist doesn't speak English well enough (and I don't speak Ukrainian well enough) to have a consultation. I think I finally know the problem, but there's no way for me to do anything about it. 😔

TL;DR I think I have ADHD, and I'm angry with everything I had to go through, to come to this realization first in my early 30'ies, due to the lack of medical research in women – and sad because now I'm in a situation where it's nearly impossible to actually get the issue sorted. 😕