I Have Adhd

It's a tough thing to live with. I am one of those people for whom it has gotten much worse in adulthood, and I feel like I'm becoming stranger with every year that passes. Everything is either too boring or too much. I have no concept of time beyond "now" and "not now." I can't organise my stuff or my finances no matter how hard I try. I'm so different from everyone emotionally that 90% of people don't even feel real to me when I talk to them. I often feel like I might as well not try to connect with anyone because they wouldn't understand either way. My emotions are unpredictable and, most of the time, overwhelming and very painful. Every time someone hurts my feelings it's like my soul is being ripped out through my throat. I'm afraid of opening up to people because rejection is the worst thing in the world for some reason. All I really seem to be good for is the fact that my observable symptoms are often funny. I say funny things, often unintentionally, which makes it funnier. I'm easy to fool because I'll react to things people tell me before really thinking about them, which is, again, hilarious apparently. I'm very, very good at English because it's my special interest and I can help people with their academic essays even though I've never been succesful in university myself. But beyond that, most people don't want to know me. They don't want to deal with me and my unpredictability. I'm afraid to ever date again. For me, the worst part has never been the inconsistent focus or the trouble sleeping. It's how different I feel, how far removed from "normal" people. It's lonely. I wish I could be more positive about it, but it's very, very difficult.