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Humbug of a Sat Night(last night)

Yesterday .......is where I started this ridiculous long post that is no longer as long. It is about 2pm central, when I started this post and on /off till about now. 10pm.
You ever start a post to explain something that you really truly wished for others to understand? But realized that what you wrote was entirely way to long, drawn out, and to much oversharing. This will be alot shorter. On game back on.........

Basically I had a massive anxiety attack last night after football and chatting with some of you. Always a pleasure 🙏. I had lunch with my parents and my kids.
As some of you have read, I've posted about my bout of alcoholism of many years, and doing well now, at a post, 1 year and 1 month on 8/8 two days ago. Yay!

Anyway, I can get down on myself and quite hard at certain times, especially when there's reminders. The meds I take work well enough daily. But sometimes I can't help it, it's to much and then POP.

And started just putting down everything I did yesterday including when I was on here. Also I struggled to watch the Packer game, and stay in the convos, last evening.
It eventually happens and I get so sick and well you can guess the rest.

The writing below this is the beginning of the end.....where I started erasing everything above.

That does not make sense..... I'm tired....and done.




Sorry.

I just wanted to "talk" out, how one of my anxiety attacks go. I'm sure many will have worse then that. I'm sure they can go for days. I'm not trying to compare or have pissing contests. I'm here, using this platform for social reasons, to get chatty, I come on to improve my mental state and mood. Like most on here, we're trying to have positive impacts and interactions. Right? Yes of course.
Some are trying to get their stuff figured out in their own way. I've noticed some people rub off differently on others, and can make instant bad karma, between them and others.
And I for gods sake don't want this to be a out blown forever written on post. You have your own tale to tell.
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If we don’t want to hear what you need to say, there’s a simple remedy - to scroll on by.

I can relate because I too am an alcoholic, although blessed with sobriety for 9 years now. It’s too bad most of us don’t have videos of those hours or months or years that we drowned in alcohol or other addictive substances. Even after we stop using, those substances still lie to us. They don’t love us and they do not want the best for us. They want to conquer and destroy us. They sing siren songs about how great it is to be drunk when it never was.

Sobriety is a naked un-numbed human being seeking truth - our truth and that of others. It’s beautiful and terrifying and difficult. When we stop blurring the sharp edges with substances, it’s a startling awakening, like coming out into the sunlight after living years in a cave.

It is also so vastly necessary. And so astonishing.

Never hesitate to reach out for a steadying hand or encouraging word. Or just to babble.

One day at a time, my brother.
Levenrack · 46-50, M
@Mamapolo2016 thank you for those words and sharing yourself. Much appreciated. 🫂☺
@Levenrack Welcome to the sunlight!
WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F
Everyone has a tale to tell, yeah… that doesn’t diminish your own story. We all have struggles, and it was cool of you to share what some of yours are.

Also…
I think it’s cool you’re my sober twin 🙃what are the odds? Ha
Levenrack · 46-50, M
@WaryWitchWandering yeah it's neat.. 😂 Thank You ❤
tobynshorty · 51-55, F
I have had this bad grieving feeling for about two weeks now and I think I might know how you feel. We struggle through and make it to another day. I’m here reading because I feel clostrofobic. I’m so tired now.
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YoMomma ·
Not sure what you're trying to say, that people irritate each other on here? 😳 that you feel posts strive for attention?

Perhaps there is some of that but there are also nice people here (and psychos)

I also erase many comments and don't posts posts to the tune of 245+ now
Levenrack · 46-50, M
@YoMomma Oh yeah 95% of individuals on here, I'm good with. But there few that have "irritated me" but only because it was unnecessary and grossly misplaced. I mean when a few days pass, the individual starts saying short worded insults towards me and contributes absolutely nothing positive to say in light of the current topic, we're on. Basically little airsoft shots at me, but it's done randomly.

@YoMomma I see your asking in a somewhat passive aggressive manner. Is it that you just haven't seen that type of behavior at all or can't recognize it? You are asking me, if I believe my own words that I wrote last night? I literally don't remember what I said at this point. (I'm catching the oldness, I think.)

And you're literally answering your own questions, as you finished your reply. 🤣

Yes people do and will irritate each other on here.That's human nature.
That's why I stay away from the News channels, especially since the beginning of this year. From a heavy misanthroptic stand point, I don't think we have a great thing going for us as a long-term outlook or aspirations. Suppose it definitely matters how and were your sitting in all things now.

Lol Ok to finish up.....

And people striving for attention??? Have you read the majority of what people post or reply too? Have you read mine? Well if you did, you'd know, cause im stupidly dumb, with my antics at times. I'm always fishing for.... the ONE.

But my point before had nothing to do with seeking attention. I mean in a way, but it's them getting off on the detriment caused onto others. Been know for years.
I mean thats why bullying exists. To make themselves feel validated in there actions. For their own selfishness.

Ok Good day 😊

 
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