I understand this so well... This is a very hard time for many, many people, so, you're not alone with this.
It sounds as though we both took on the coping agenda of showing people what we know they want to see so we can be accepted, and be seen as 'positive.' It sure does make it easier to interact with people.
But sooner or later, the you that you really are, which has been hidden away due to fear of how people might react to you, gets tired of not being recognized and connected with. MY doing that left me in a place of loneliness. For people to connect with my act of being happy and positive all the time, just doesn't satisfy that need for bonding.
With all the judgment and criticism people carry around with them, just looking for places to apply them, it's not easy to find people to trust with your true colors. But if you can find just one person you can share your true self with, it helps a great deal.
At this point, I have just one person in my life (other than myself) I can tell absolutely anything to without fear of judgment, and it makes such a difference.
You can be open and share who you truly are with me without fear of negative repercussions. You're welcome to PM me.
