Am I mentally ill?

You guys know some sort of condition that makes people uninterested in almost anything about the reality ? Because I genuinely want to know whats wrong with me. I know the right thing is to get a therapist or smt but I CANT right now .
So about my problem ,It was more apparent im these last years but I feel like I always kinda had it. So , lets begin, even as a child I didnt had that curiosity/interest for things like, knowing personal stuff about my family/friends or ppl I know in general , knowing places of my city , noticing details on peoples faces , etc (and to makes things worse, I am from a small town so its natural that everyone knows almost everyplace/every family that lives here but genuinely , I only know very few). The only thing that interested me was swallow things like playing and watching cartoon and drawing, my special interest .But still , as a child I was still more lucid. I think it got worse when I had acess to internet and spent too much time online , I was already kinda indifferent to people but I became even more apathetic . Nowadays, I struggle with basic things like simple tasks ( because I didnt paid attention on how other people do it) , I struggle with social rules (Like ,sometimes idk how to act normal or dont know if it would be my time to speak ), I also dont notice things like my parents routine like , if you ask me where my mother went or what vehicle she used I wouldnt know. I also dont care about how ppl perceive me sometimes, like yes im polite and well behaved, but sometimes idk how to take care of my appearence or how to talk normaly , wich is bad because people may see me as an invalid ( and tbh I feel like I am sometimes) and they wouldnt take me seriously. I have trouble remembering faces and its details, names, and have trouble describing to someone how to get to a place I KNOW . As a teen I was very uninterested in my future , only now im seeing I should have been more attentious with my life and the world around me , im terrified that I will keep living like this . I am trying to change but is hard to focus. If someone read this and knows what my problem might be please tell me

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Nightwings · 31-35, F

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with you, but maybe with your lifestyle choices. It sounds like you're a creative person who get easily lost in thought, and there's really nothing wrong with that, but perhaps being less social than most of your friends, have lead you to lead an unhealthy lifestyle, because it felt like the easier way to live. When you don't notice where people go, or what people around you are doing, it's because you're elsewhere, in your own thoughts, but there is a time and place for that. You could probably benefit from doing your chores first thing in the morning, only afterwards reward yourself with activities which steal your focus. It sounds a bit like your default has become being spaced out, in order to be happy and productive you will probably need to get used to paying attention to other people and your surroundings when it's appropriate, and set aside time for your own thoughts, when that is appropriate, and I'm sure it will become easier with time. Last thing is that even if you don't have a sincere interest in other people, I think it will do you very well to still show them some attention, because it becomes incredibly important to have friends once you're older. If you don't know what to talk with them, ask them questions about themselves, and say something when you have something to say, because most people love talking about themselves. In conclusion, it sounds like you've kind of done this yourself, and it will take you some time to adjust and become more attentive again. It's not that bad, but it's a little worrisome that you don't know many people or know how to do chores, you need to allocate your curiosity to such areas forcefully. 😅

Anyways I think it's great that you are creative and content being by yourself, it sounds like you have a rich inner world, and that's pretty cool. You just need to share that world with others a little bit too, it will make you feel better. I don't know if you might have some depression, or anything else going on, but no one online can answer that for you. The most important advice I can give you is to focus less on what to call the problem, and more on the things you can actually control in order to fix it yourself. Diagnosis or not, it will still be up to you to fix, so you might as well get started in a positive way, at the speed you feel comfortable with, and just be more aware about what you want to change and why; like what do you want, what is your goal. 🌻

Gretel · 18-21, F

@Nightwings Thank you for taking a bit of your time to answer me 🙏💖and thank you for the advice I will try my best ,Im not sure if Its something I was born with or developed but youre right, either way I will focus to make things better 🙏💖

Nightwings · 31-35, F

@Gretel I'm sure it has to do with how you were born, brcause otherwise you would face different difficulties, the important thing to remember is that everyone face difficulty in life, and we are all working on ourselves throughout life. It never stops for anyone. I know that it is much harder for some people than others, but a diagnosis won't remove personal responsibilty, nor will it help you feel better in and of itself. It might help you understand yourself more, but it can also misguide you if the proffesional isn't as well read and clever as one would hope. Your personal responsibility is that which you have to yourself; setting up a bright future and feeling at ease with who you are. No one ever warns young people how judgemental everyone become once you reach 30. It may seem far away now, but time gies faster and faster as we age. Meanwhile habits become harder and harder to break. It's really easy to get stuck if you don't form good habits and set goals while you're still young, because the time when you need to have everythibg together always comes so much faster than anyone in their 20ies think. I don't know how old you are exactly, but from 18 to 30 needs to be the busiest time in your life. 🙂

I hope you can also soon get to talk to a professional healthcare specialist, but it's my advice to focus on what you actually got going for you realistically, and how to use that to your advantage.