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For those with depression /panic attacks / mental disorders

How would you describe how you feel?
I feel Raw. Like Lions have been batting me around relentlessly my whole life but never completely killing me.
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That's how my brain feels today. So emotionally exhausted. I think the mistake I made was that I tried to even things out, make the other person happy too. I thought of what they needed and tried to give it to them because I thought they deserved it, but that ended up backfiring. I shouldn't have given up 0,000000001% of my comfort trying to make them happy. It's not worth it