For those with depression /panic attacks / mental disorders

I'm not diagnosed so I don't know what I have.
But feelings I consider abnormal are:
- I get teary eyes, which makes me deeply ashamed and scared people will think I'm weak, handicapped or something like that. I have no idea what it is. It's like being overly emotional for no reason. I remember I had had it even as a kid, like when I was 7-8 but then it was only happening when I was doing one particular thing.

anxiety - rapid heartbeat, brainfog, feeling all over the place, feeling like running away, unable to find words or organize thoughts when talking, tearing up, tight throat, sweating, chills especially in the lower back, very cold hands, chattering teeth, inner tremor, feeling like I will have to go to toilet...well, usual stuff, I guess

depression - like I don't want to deal with any responsibilities and just want to hide in a safe familiar place, away from people to only follow my own needs, everything feels like too much, I'm extremely irritable, frustrated, feel trapped because just as much as thinking about doing something new that involves other people gives me anxiety and feelings of utter repulsion. I have very low self-esteem and don't believe in myself. I feel like any effort would be pointless because I wouldn't be able to enjoy the results anyway and the struggle I would have to overcome wouldn't even be the worth it in the end. So it forces me to stick to a familiar routine even if the routine is boring, frustrating and makes me want to drop everything and just run away somewhere far away. But I can't run away because every escape requires shitload of unpleasant dealing with other people, paperwork, planning, getting important information which feels too overwhelming.

And then I'm scared of scammers or people who exist just to fuck others over etc. I think this way: if you're already anxious and all over the place you get scatterbrained and can overlook important information, get tricked by other people who see you're not okay, forget something somewhere, not read some document properly and sign something you shouldn't have signed, do a lot of things wrong just to get done with some interaction as fast as possible etc.