Why do you get high?

Idk anymore. It started out as a way for me to forget stuff. Escalated to stop crying. Then came a point when I felt so much and I wanted to feel nothing. I'm numb the third time in a row and it's good. I can't feel shit. I can't cry after I'm high. I'm just smiling even though it's ripping me apart within. It's just harder for me in the day as my co-workers notice me sleeping or upset all the time lol. If I could. I'll choose to be high everytime. I'm done going through the feelings.

Why do you get high? Is it for fun or for something else?