I am questioning strength

I do not feel strong, especially at times when people are prone to mentioning it. Is that [i]why[/i] it’s mentioned? If so, it never seems like a reminder of strength. It feels like a barrier has been put up.
When I am crying over a nightmare, flashback, or trigger, where is strength in that? Is it strength that I’m still alive? Am I being congratulated for doing something I don’t want? And what of the people who went through the same things and aren’t alive? I definitely don’t feel stronger than them.
Resignation, numbness, and acceptance feel like they play more a part than strength. Are those the strength being mentioned? If so, I don’t feel like I can take credit, other than working on acceptance in therapy. If I hadn’t done that, would I not be strong?
Strength seems like I had some some other option. What could I have done differently to have that praise of strength taken away?

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Freeranger · M

Hey woman....to quote a Moody Blues Album....it's a "Question of Balance."
Whatever you find missing from your character tool-box, you often must reach out and seek it. If you fail to feel strong, seek and reach out to those people or things that will instill that character "in" you. Strength should be taught to you at the knee of your parents, and failing that, perhaps someone who is important in your life.
It has been "my" experience that, the strength that I own was developed over time, partially imbued through my parents and former combat warriors who shared their lessons and paths treveled. Biblically of course, we're instructed to [i]seek wisdom[/i] and it is on [i]that[/i] path I feel, that you may begin to find the answers to the questions surrounding your quest for strength. I'd leave you with a somewhat trite quote that the United States Marine Corps used to print out on t-shirts it handed out to new recruits. "pain is just weakness leaving the body."
Becoming strong seldom is obtained without going through a certain amount of pain in my estimation. That has been my experience at least.
I wish you well....