I am questioning strength

I do not feel strong, especially at times when people are prone to mentioning it. Is that [i]why[/i] it’s mentioned? If so, it never seems like a reminder of strength. It feels like a barrier has been put up.
When I am crying over a nightmare, flashback, or trigger, where is strength in that? Is it strength that I’m still alive? Am I being congratulated for doing something I don’t want? And what of the people who went through the same things and aren’t alive? I definitely don’t feel stronger than them.
Resignation, numbness, and acceptance feel like they play more a part than strength. Are those the strength being mentioned? If so, I don’t feel like I can take credit, other than working on acceptance in therapy. If I hadn’t done that, would I not be strong?
Strength seems like I had some some other option. What could I have done differently to have that praise of strength taken away?

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ginnyfromtheblock · 26-30, F

something i think about a lot is that the need to have a hero’s narrative projected onto a survivor is a coping mechanism for onlookers.

i feel you here. most of the time i do not feel strong, i just feel alive. but alive is enough, because it means you’re still here. but a horrible thing that happens to you is not some kind of plot device or something meant to make you stronger. you shouldn’t have to do anything at all and yet you have to recover and move on AND help people navigate how to talk to you. it just sucks. i’m glad you’re here regardless, though, because the world is better off with you in it.