I am questioning strength

I do not feel strong, especially at times when people are prone to mentioning it. Is that [i]why[/i] it’s mentioned? If so, it never seems like a reminder of strength. It feels like a barrier has been put up.
When I am crying over a nightmare, flashback, or trigger, where is strength in that? Is it strength that I’m still alive? Am I being congratulated for doing something I don’t want? And what of the people who went through the same things and aren’t alive? I definitely don’t feel stronger than them.
Resignation, numbness, and acceptance feel like they play more a part than strength. Are those the strength being mentioned? If so, I don’t feel like I can take credit, other than working on acceptance in therapy. If I hadn’t done that, would I not be strong?
Strength seems like I had some some other option. What could I have done differently to have that praise of strength taken away?

JustNik · 51-55, F

I think strength is something we have to those on the outside looking in and acknowledging that we’re grappling with something difficult. That’s why one is said to have “lost the battle” when they can’t fight anymore for whatever reason, it seems to me. Is that a lapse in strength? I’ve never gotten that impression. Just that whatever was being fought happened to be a bit stronger. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who actually felt strong when their strength was really tested though. I think it’s more rare to feel it in ourselves than to see it in others.