This is going to get gloomy rather you choose to stop and read or just ignore me like you have been

I come on here to vent and to express myself, but I feel like I can't do it anymore because I feel like I'm just repeating myself and I feel selfish because others are dealing with so much too so I don't.

I'm trying to focus on others instead of myself because I'm trying to avoid the pain and stress and anxiety that comes with everything I am going through. Don't worry about it I am used to it alone.

I don't blame anyone I used to but not anymore because I brought myself here. I choose to let the stress get to me, I'm the one who stays up all night crying, I'm the one who lets people crawl under his skin and lay toxic eggs.

My parents were not perfect they hurt me in their own way. They also treated me well, my mom she abused me yes, but I've gotten so used to it that I just adapted to it. My father neglected me has hurt me over and over.

I don't have a real friend, because everyone is dealing with their own stuff and I feel like I shouldn't talk about myself because that means I'm comparing myself to them which all I am showing is how I can relate, but not many people see it that way.

I deal with suicidal thoughts constantly but I don't share them because how do I know I'm not going to hurt someone or worse give them an idea or push them to the edge of doing so themselves? I don't and that's what scares me the most.

My family has dealt with a bad hand, some of the people in my family have a lot of enemies because they are the kind to speak their mind. In all honesty I wish they would not and just keep it down. I do this because I hate the idea of people being mad at me.

I let people walk all over me because I don't know anything different. As I'm struggling I choose to help others and be there for them rather then allowing others to help me . I guess it's a way I cope with my depression.

Not many of you know my story and that's okay I don't talk about it anymore. I feel people will judge me if I do or spare sympathy which is okay, but I really don't need it.

I'll share more in the near future, but this is just a start. I hope you understand and stay with me. Kindsoul is just doing her usual venting.