Tired. Just tired.

It feels like there's something wrong or 'divergent' about me, on some fundamental level. Not sure if it's just depression or if there is genuinely something not right about me, but it'd be nice to know. Someone called me "autistic" and while that may not be true, it doesn't mean that they weren't expressing something entirely incorrect either. All I do know is that people don't tend to stick around very long, and it feels like no matter how much effort I put in I drive others away. Maybe it's just a perpetual aura of desperation or a result of being so depressed for so long; maybe there is actually something about me that others find repulsive. Maybe it's the culmination of all of those things and more building atop one another over a long time. Or maybe I've just as attractive a personality as I do a body. I doubt there even is an answer to this, but the thoughts never cease.

I'm sure people will be sick of me prattling on about trivial nonsense, if it gets noticed at all. Either way, hopefully this will get the thoughts out of my head for a while. Anyway, sorry.

Miram · 31-35, F

No need to say sorry. You feel what you feel, think what you think and are being brave to share it and be open.

This is what this place is meant for.

I don't think it is YOU. on the surface a person may seem like they have lasting connections. And as you dig in you will find that they require a sacrifice of bit of their selves. A distance.

Sort of like you feeling guilt for this thread. But affecting their interconnections.

I am that way. People hardly truly know me even though it may seem like I have dozens of friends.

And it's not their fault such distance exists. I know some do sense it and feel exactly like you.

It's how I was raised.