It feels like my life would be better without me in it

That probably doesn't make much sense, and I'm struggling to find a way to describe it. I'm not a positive person, with few truly worthwhile features, and it kind of feels like if I were someone else then maybe my life wouldn't be... I dunno, a mess? That doesn't seem like the right word, but it's the best one I've got so it's what'll have to be used. I feel like I'm just burdening myself as much as everyone else who's stuck being around me, stuck having to listen to me ramble about things that I love but so few others even know about let alone actually care about. Everyone always kind of seems like they're just tolerating me. This might just be because I forgot to take meds this morning though, in which case tomorrow will be way worse.

Anyway, I'm not sure why anyone would actually read this. I guess it's a mixture of lockdown loneliness and the last vestiges of connection to others I once thought myself close to (relatively) lashing out before they fade away completely, just like any hope of remembering what human touch feels like. It's not like anyone who this would be truly applicable to will ever see it anyway.

I think tomorrow I'm just going to do as little as possible until feeling bad passes. Goodnight.