Autism Diagnosis and the Job Hunt to Follow

This category selection is too broad. Anxious? More like scared shitless. It was back in March when I had a meltdown due largely to the rumblings at the time that all NYC educators would have to go back to work (which has since become reality). Working from home for the last year was the greatest thing to happen to me because I didn't find myself in any intense situations where I'd freeze or do something to get me in trouble because I couldn't articulate what needed to be said on the spot.

I'd always known something was wrong with me that had nothing to do with having Cerebral Palsy, as my parents were told. Mild Cerebral Palsy (in my "case") doesn't account for social awkwardness, inability to verbalize my thoughts, inability to commit to things, etc. Yes, Autism and Cerebral Palsy do have commonalities, but none of what I mentioned defines mild CP, as far as I know.

With the imminent return to hell hanging over my head, I sought out an evaluation, to be held in July. It was then that I was diagnosed with ASD-1, or Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (no indication of Asperger's, by the way). It all makes sense now. Everything. There's been a lot of crying lately, reflecting on my misdiagnosis, reflecting on all the grief I might've been saved between the jobs I've worked at, the relationships I've been in, and the friendships and bands I'd struggled way too hard to keep intact.

Jobs. What a joke. I wish I could never have to work again. I've been trying to find work so I don't have to go back to that hell hole I work at next month. I'd been hired by the owner of an At-Home Personal Training Business a week ago and I was back at his office two days ago. We were talking about training methods and I feel like I spoke too much and said something that didn't make sense to him because I couldn't adequately articulate my thoughts on the spot, despite him telling me he likes the way I think. He told me he'd call me the next day, as in yesterday, and I've not heard from him.

I'm afraid I might've blown it because I didn't think to stop and just listen to him. I don't feel like he baited me, as I'm positive some have in the past. This was all me.

So I've begun to think about just starting my own business, as risky as that may be right now in this pandemic-era climate. So I'm looking to find if there is anyone here with my condition or similar, who can offer me some advice or some experience as to how to go about this and put my fear aside, as well as manage my problem with executive function, although I am trying to work on that as it is. I just feel at this point that either I go it alone or I'm destined to live a nightmare for the rest of my life. Thank you all in advance, I very much appreciate it, because scared doesn't describe my current mindset.

GymRat584 · 36-40, M

What I'm experiencing has absolutely nothing to do with the general public's "FOGO" or "Fear Of Going Out", which I heard about two days ago. But I wanted to get the point of my post so I left a few things out to save time. To hell with the general public, I could care less about any of them. I'd been going out enjoying my life throughout the pandemic, as opposed to living in fear. That's not an issue. The issue is that, now that I have a long overdue, deeper understanding of myself, I know I can't survive where I am and why.

I know that I survive better on my own instead of taking orders from people who are ultimately rude and disrespectful. I know that I survive better on my own instead of trying to follow instructions and mess it up. I'd rather be on my own than face someone and cave because a) I freeze and I can't improvise a rebuttal and b) I don't want to have to hire an attorney or potentially go to prison when I hurt someone who deserved it, and because I can't express myself adequately.

Hopefully this clarifies things. This isn't some general public anxiousness. I didn't go to a backyard BBQ and hide in a tent, or go to a gathering and sit by myself because I had social anxiety from hiding for months. This is deeper than that.

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

Ok so I can tell you that your experience is fairly common, as in the pandemic and work from home 'really' suited some people, (me included albeit for different reasons) and that was ok but it hit them really hard when they were expected to go back to work. Their anxiety levels increased massively at the thought and reality of going back into pressured social situations..

The thinking is that although working from home suited people with ASD and other social anxiety conditions, and there was reduced anxiety levels.. ultimately it#s not good to avoid those situations as it can lead to becoming more and more isolated.

I would say... a) you don't know you have blown it with the training job... he might just be a bit forgetful about ringing people back.. could you ring him? or message him?