What is worse than sleeplessness?
Last night, last evening, I received my boyfriend, if that is what Aleix is, he arrived a little before eight and he had flowers 🌺 and a huge cuddle for me. I enjoyed his sweet kisses, and I felt in some way validated by his attentiveness. He came into my room, I was in a state of undress, I had had a good shower 🚿 and I was getting myself ready for maybe going out to see and talk with our friends. They are mainly his friends because of my autism, I don’t readily engage with others that I haven’t seen for a few days or so.
I got dressed with him watching my every move, and fairly soon despite his gropings I was ready to go. Dora and Javier were coming with us, so I thought that the evening would go on as normal, drinks and chat, then back to my room in the apartment for him to undress me and then for us to have sex, enjoying each other immensely and reach the peaks of delight and orgasm and to collapse into the postcoitive netherworld of our satisfaction. But I am still awake!
I am struggling with my mind and body, there is something wrong with me and I cannot stop thinking about, worrying about, my life and the direction of travel. Pregnancy, that elusive thing I most fantasise about doesn’t seem to be a prospect for me. We aren’t using a barrier to conception but I remain unimpregnated and I wonder if it is my medication 💊 that is impeding our ability for me to get pregnant. I am taking a cocktail of drugs, from big pharma, to get control over my life. I have inserted a tampon, my period has arrived.
Yes, I know you guys don’t want to hear about my menstruation 🩸 because it is either something dirty to you, or a sign of failure 😨 and missed opportunities for one of your number, Aleix. Yes, I find that the majority of men are not happy to hear about what happens to a woman every twenty eight days or so (no two wombs are the same in this). But it is something abhorrent to the vast majority of men. They counter with some inane rhetoric about women not understanding men, male lives. You have the bellyache then!
I got dressed with him watching my every move, and fairly soon despite his gropings I was ready to go. Dora and Javier were coming with us, so I thought that the evening would go on as normal, drinks and chat, then back to my room in the apartment for him to undress me and then for us to have sex, enjoying each other immensely and reach the peaks of delight and orgasm and to collapse into the postcoitive netherworld of our satisfaction. But I am still awake!
I am struggling with my mind and body, there is something wrong with me and I cannot stop thinking about, worrying about, my life and the direction of travel. Pregnancy, that elusive thing I most fantasise about doesn’t seem to be a prospect for me. We aren’t using a barrier to conception but I remain unimpregnated and I wonder if it is my medication 💊 that is impeding our ability for me to get pregnant. I am taking a cocktail of drugs, from big pharma, to get control over my life. I have inserted a tampon, my period has arrived.
Yes, I know you guys don’t want to hear about my menstruation 🩸 because it is either something dirty to you, or a sign of failure 😨 and missed opportunities for one of your number, Aleix. Yes, I find that the majority of men are not happy to hear about what happens to a woman every twenty eight days or so (no two wombs are the same in this). But it is something abhorrent to the vast majority of men. They counter with some inane rhetoric about women not understanding men, male lives. You have the bellyache then!
