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Is my mother gaslighting me or am I overthinking this?

Long story, short. I believe my mother has narcissistic traits, aka maternal narcissism. I grew up as a people pleaser thanks to her and my narcissist father. Both of these people treated me poorly and never taught me life skills to survive on my own. I grew up being easy picking and a doormat for everyone around me. I was naive and lacking skills to lead a normal life. I’ve been talked behind my back, laughed at, walked all over, betrayed, and abandoned by so many people. I had to do a lot of growing on my own, and I decided to stand up for myself after realizing that a lot of people out there aren’t really looking out for me. People pretend to be friends to use me.

Anyway, so I told my mother how people mistreated me. Like I told her how my nephew didn’t wish me a happy birthday last year because he hated me for some stupid, childish reason. He used to wish me a happy birthday every year without fail, but this year he gave me the cold shoulder. He decided to hit me up recently because he wanted me to take him out again, as we used to do often. I realized that he didn’t respect me as an uncle. He wanted to use me because I used to take him places, buy him things, spend money on him, and help him with his problems. When his feelings got hurt due to his own fault, he took it out on me and went quiet for half a year.

I told my mother that I don’t want to interact with the nephew anymore. She took his side and said I’m the uncle, that I’m supposed to be the bigger person. According to my mother, I’m supposed to be the bigger person for an ungrateful kid that doesn’t respect me. In my mother’s eyes, I’m worthless and expendable. I’m supposed to yield to others, with no sense of self-preservation and self-respect. I told her about my problems, and she 100% always take other people’s side. I was the scapegoat in my family, and nothing I did was ever right. I wanted to appease her and I lived my life to make her happy because she’s my mother, but everything backfired. She was never satisfied.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with her about how she wasn’t right on a lot of things. She said I make up things about people because I hate them. Isn’t that backwards or what? She reversed the whole thing to put the blame on me. Isn’t it supposed to be I hate people for what they did to me, rather than me hating people to make up lies about them? Back to my question, is this gaslighting or what? I told her about the bad things people did to me and that’s why I don’t like them. She gaslighted me into believing that I was in the wrong, and I actually made up stuff about people because I don’t like them. Not only does that says I’m problematic, it also says that she doesn’t believe me at all or want to be on my side, ever.
thinkingoutloud · F Best Comment
Either way, it's a toxic setting.
You need to find healing in yourself.
@thinkingoutloud true. I’m working on putting myself together.

Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@SW-User Move across country.
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Sounds narcissistic, sure. Your nephew's view of you has likely been poisoned by others, possibly your folks. Someone isn't teaching him respect, and that will come primarily from the parents.
@uncalled4 yeah, he’s not very close to either parent. Thanks for reading!

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