Random Bursts of Sadness
I shouldn't have much of a reason to cry on paper. I'm in week eight of recovery from Pituitary Adenoma surgery and I'm back to working doing most things again. Although I intentionally am still refraining from the gym to avoid any potential intracranial pressure. I just had a fantastic day with my girlfriend yesterday and while things are moving a little slowly I'm confident that I can regain my client base that I lost while in recovery during those first six weeks.
Or was that it, me thinking about my girlfriend who was MORE than just my rock during my recovery? I was about to walk down to doctor's office because I'm sick unfortunately, and while just reflecting on things, especially the fact that nearly a year ago I almost lost her. I just began crying because there are other things happening that include problems with my mother and I literally have no one to turn to but my girlfriend.
Being that my girlfriend is in fact quite older than I, it does serve as proof that I have mommy issues, especially since my own mother is a fucking narcissist. She allegedly still hasn't figured out why I'm pissed off at her and I'm still not ready to talk to her. I don't know that I want to ever again. With my girlfriend, there's a softness there, a motherliness I've desperately needed that I was denied as a child.
I was always made to feel small by my mother because of her own traumatic experiences. They were real and they were horrific, but they were no excuse for her treatment of me or even my brother, who essentially was a mirror reflection of our mother but with testosterone.
Or was that it, me thinking about my girlfriend who was MORE than just my rock during my recovery? I was about to walk down to doctor's office because I'm sick unfortunately, and while just reflecting on things, especially the fact that nearly a year ago I almost lost her. I just began crying because there are other things happening that include problems with my mother and I literally have no one to turn to but my girlfriend.
Being that my girlfriend is in fact quite older than I, it does serve as proof that I have mommy issues, especially since my own mother is a fucking narcissist. She allegedly still hasn't figured out why I'm pissed off at her and I'm still not ready to talk to her. I don't know that I want to ever again. With my girlfriend, there's a softness there, a motherliness I've desperately needed that I was denied as a child.
I was always made to feel small by my mother because of her own traumatic experiences. They were real and they were horrific, but they were no excuse for her treatment of me or even my brother, who essentially was a mirror reflection of our mother but with testosterone.
41-45, M