Is it self diagnosing if I definitely think I have a sensory processing disorder?
My experience with doctors is horrible and I've been diagnosed with like two handfuls of illnesses that all contradict each other so needless to say I don't know what's wrong with me.
Yesterday I was supposed to grocery shop for a customer and get 15 items. I immediately got stressed out because I knew there was a very slim chance that the store would have all 15 items—most of the time I'm lucky if they have 4. So I ran around the store like a chicken with my head cut off, irritated the whole time, worried about getting in people's way, worried about people getting in my way, everybody around me seemed to have this weird habit of grabbing items and aggressively slamming them in their cart which made me jump every time, I couldn't tell what I was looking at on the shelves, my work device was glitching and slowing me down, I probably went in circles around the whole store a dozen times, the whole thing took over an hour to complete and I had the stress tolerance of a chihuahua in a war zone.
There are times I'm more calm than that but I have to be pretty lucky to be in that kind of mood. And probably not have to shop for someone on a time limit.
And tbh I don't even have to be in that kind of situation to get that stressed. Just someone saying hi to me can set me off like that and people around here know me for saying dumb and awkward things (I've been told bluntly). They assume it's just because I'm dumb and awkward but it's deeper than that. I always feel super pressured to do or say something without giving myself time to think it through and so I just do or say the first thing I can think of, even if it's awful.
It's why I lost the last job I had which was a "real" job instead of delivering things to people for low pay. Nobody liked me because I was too awkward and on edge. I really did my best but I was ostracized by everyone.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. Ironically I'm stressed. I don't even know what I wanna achieve with this. I just wish I was a normal person who could do normal things like everyone else. Or at least that the medical system was more promising. I feel hopeless.
Yesterday I was supposed to grocery shop for a customer and get 15 items. I immediately got stressed out because I knew there was a very slim chance that the store would have all 15 items—most of the time I'm lucky if they have 4. So I ran around the store like a chicken with my head cut off, irritated the whole time, worried about getting in people's way, worried about people getting in my way, everybody around me seemed to have this weird habit of grabbing items and aggressively slamming them in their cart which made me jump every time, I couldn't tell what I was looking at on the shelves, my work device was glitching and slowing me down, I probably went in circles around the whole store a dozen times, the whole thing took over an hour to complete and I had the stress tolerance of a chihuahua in a war zone.
There are times I'm more calm than that but I have to be pretty lucky to be in that kind of mood. And probably not have to shop for someone on a time limit.
And tbh I don't even have to be in that kind of situation to get that stressed. Just someone saying hi to me can set me off like that and people around here know me for saying dumb and awkward things (I've been told bluntly). They assume it's just because I'm dumb and awkward but it's deeper than that. I always feel super pressured to do or say something without giving myself time to think it through and so I just do or say the first thing I can think of, even if it's awful.
It's why I lost the last job I had which was a "real" job instead of delivering things to people for low pay. Nobody liked me because I was too awkward and on edge. I really did my best but I was ostracized by everyone.
Sorry if this post is all over the place. Ironically I'm stressed. I don't even know what I wanna achieve with this. I just wish I was a normal person who could do normal things like everyone else. Or at least that the medical system was more promising. I feel hopeless.
