I was a coward at the therapist office... I don't know what else I expected.

As per the homework she asked of me last week...I wrote briefly about the sexual trauma I went through... we discussed it... she wanted me to let go of the guilt and anger and resentment I have for it. She tried her best.
I was following her lead.

But the deepest issue is not about the experiences per se... it is about the repecussions of them. My sexual needs and fantasies and everything is so messed up I am so ashamed of them.

I told her one particular experience was shameful to me to high extent, even though it was the most normal one. Innocent I was say. But the way it shaped me is disgusting in a way I cannot accept and I hate myself for.

I didn't tell her any of that. I just nodded. Said she was right and moved on to another part of my life.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Ironhand · 51-55, M

Societal pressure and "standards" or norms often lead perfectly healthy people to feel like they are fucked up. I know, because I've been in your shoes..

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@Ironhand
What do you mean?
Those are not healthy fantasies, and they are not accompanied with pleasurable experience. They shameful to me. Also, I think you need to have the bigger picture.