Waking up from a dream
As many on here know or have found out, I have a psychotic disorder, schizoaffective, amidst a few other diagnoses.
I was never 100% certain that I was mentally ill and had been on medication for the past 10 years that was giving me some serious negative side effects. I decided to see what my life would be like off meds. I went about it terribly. I stopped seeing all the various professionals I see for treatment. I cold turkey dropped all my meds.
I had probably the most massive psychotic episode of my life. I also experienced mania and depression, the whole shebang. Developed health problems as well from neglecting myself due to my illness.
After a time my family got involved and got me to get back in treatment for my disorders.
4 months have passed now with me back on medication. We are still in the process of tweaking my meds because my mood has been all over the place, but the psychosis has gotten steadily better over time. I would compare it to waking up from a very vivid dream to realize none of it was real. But it is a slow process. I was so ill and delusional it took me 2 months back on an antipsychotic just to remember I was even human. As of just last night even more became clear to me as to what was delusion.
To anybody I may have pulled into my psychosis: I am very, deeply sorry. It was not done maliciously. I genuinely believed all I was saying. As of yesterday it was like a switch just flipped and I "woke up" for real. Back to reality.
I may take a short break from this site so I can focus more on my life and reality while I continue to recover from my long major episode.
I was never 100% certain that I was mentally ill and had been on medication for the past 10 years that was giving me some serious negative side effects. I decided to see what my life would be like off meds. I went about it terribly. I stopped seeing all the various professionals I see for treatment. I cold turkey dropped all my meds.
I had probably the most massive psychotic episode of my life. I also experienced mania and depression, the whole shebang. Developed health problems as well from neglecting myself due to my illness.
After a time my family got involved and got me to get back in treatment for my disorders.
4 months have passed now with me back on medication. We are still in the process of tweaking my meds because my mood has been all over the place, but the psychosis has gotten steadily better over time. I would compare it to waking up from a very vivid dream to realize none of it was real. But it is a slow process. I was so ill and delusional it took me 2 months back on an antipsychotic just to remember I was even human. As of just last night even more became clear to me as to what was delusion.
To anybody I may have pulled into my psychosis: I am very, deeply sorry. It was not done maliciously. I genuinely believed all I was saying. As of yesterday it was like a switch just flipped and I "woke up" for real. Back to reality.
I may take a short break from this site so I can focus more on my life and reality while I continue to recover from my long major episode.
