Venting about alcoholism and general despair

Last Sunday, about two in the morning, I had been drinking for three hours or so as I like to do in the evening, when I realized I was running low on booze. It wasn't going to last me through the weekend since the liquor stores are closed on Sundays. So I rummaged through my bathroom and found hand sanitizer, and I spiked my drink with a small hit of that to make sure my booze would last the next night as well. This is idiotic of course, since hand sanitizer can be toxic and whatnot. But I had my pistol on my desk with me, figuring that if I were to turn blind from drinking hand sanitizer, I could shoot myself and finally be done with everything. Turns out nothing happened apart from the usual hangover, but that's the state I'm in regarding life and drinking.
Just venting.

rfatoday · 61-69, M

If you are reaching for hand sanitizer upon running out of booze, do you think there is a possibility you have a problem with alcohol? One thing my past experience tells me... alcoholism is a disease that does it's best to convince you that you don't have it. My last drop of booze was February of 1986 when I was 30. One of the best decision I ever made. Save your pistol for the range. You don't need a permanent solution to a temporary problem.