It's so depressing...

My wife is giving the doctor's office a call to reschedule my appointment and make one for herself. BUT she asks "Why do I need an appointment?" I tell her "Because of your memory loss." Five minutes later she asks, "Why do I need and appointment." "Because of your memory loss." We've been through that routine 4 times so far today alone. :'(

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Reject · 26-30, M

The kindest woman I’ve ever met told me about her experience with her grandmother who suffered from Alzheimer’s. She said the best part of that relationship was that it was no longer about what was or what is coming to be. She said it all about the moments. When she could still make her laugh because she knew exactly what her grandmother enjoyed even if she didn’t. They connected in a very different and much simpler way, but the connection was still there. I know that’s not your situation, and I hope the doctor can really help with this because it can’t be easy whatever is going on, but it doesn’t have to be without love. I wish you two the best.

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

@Reject Good advice. Again, as I said in my reply, it is like dealing with a toddler. You can't really have a complex adult relationship anymore, and you feel badly about having to treat them like a toddler. OTOH, the connections on those moments you click -- when you both know your connection is much more primal and based on need than ever before -- are priceless.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@dancingtongue Quite so.. You say and do what makes them happy in the moment. Actually the Covid lock downs have worked for us at one level. She does better in a regular routine. Although she talks about travelling again in the future. I know it wont happen. She gets upset at anything unfamilar. And I cant manage everything for us both. But she is happy talking about "Next time we go away."😷

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

@whowasthatmaskedman Yep. With my recently departed partner, it was the same. She would ask about trips we had taken together because she could vaguely remember that we had done so, but couldn't clearly remember any details. And then would talk about going to see her son (80 miles from us), or to a nearby casino, while realizing that was never going to happen again. And in the final couple of weeks, about her next visit home from the Assisted Living/Hospice unit to see her cat, and we both knew that wasn't happening either. Heartbreakingly sad, but like with a little kid the sort of make-believe possibility that seems to provide some happy thoughts.

With my wife before that, it was somewhat different. She had a check list of a few items she wanted to complete before she went, including one last trip to visit a friend halfway cross the continent. We got a lightweight, highly-portable wheelchair that could go on a commercial airliner and flew back. Had a several days visit, with me pushing her all over that city. Came back and was supposed to enter another round of chemotherapy, but said she had had enough, cancelled chemotherapy and opted for home hospice, and was gone in a couple of weeks.