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I know I am BROKEN

I thought more about my thoughts last night and came up with more. Sorry so long..

Peace is what I ache for. I am in conflict, I am insane. I am unworthy to be in your presence. I will bend to your will. I know better than to cause a scene, for you have taught me well. With a snap of your fingers I will be captured in your snare. Not a word leaves my mouth for my opinion is unwanted. I am but your doormat, wipe your feet on me. Where you lead I will follow steadily. If it is your wish to control me, then I am thy puppet. My emotions are never validated. Put the weight of the world on me and I will survive. I am here to make you happy, stroke your ego and sing your praises. Speak to me but of your wishes and I will obediently obey. Throw me your scraps and I will devour them. I have no backbone for you have ripped it from me. If you show me love I will be indebted unto you. You cut out my heart and then fed it back to me. I teeter on a cliffs edge, waiting for you to push. I panic, I am anxious and I am depressed yet show no emotion.
I exist.
I am tired.
I am no one.
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
Hi Mellisa . I’m broken myself . Had experience of being broken .
Your never on an even keel with life .
Your broken times will make you stronger and then be broken again .
Reading your story you seemed to have a lot of self loathing , self hatred .
Self loathing would bring you to the depths of despair .
And why is it so subtle .
I tell you why .
The mental chatter don’t leave you see the goodness in you and your judging yourself based on that mental chatter .
That’s not you .
That mental chatter wants you to give up .
That’s not you .
Any situation in life don’t define who you are . We’re very good at putting bad labels on ourselves to crest mental chatters .
That’s where all the dark thoughts comes from .
You should listen to Fr Anthony De Mello . That man saved my life .
Please listen to him .
He has a YouTube video .
A very long one .
A rediscovery of life .
Have a listen to him .
I promise he’ll give you answers , better than anyone I know . He’s nice and simple about life . And he’s also not frightening to listen to if your starting off .
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@riseofthemachine I'm not suicidal. When you listen to everyone around put you down for one reason or another it's hard to see anything else.
I will get though this even if I still the same thoughts. Thank you.
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
@melissa001 😂😂😂. I know all about that Melissa trying to be put down . Do you wanna swap lives for a week and see ? 😂😂😂.
I’m only trying to brighten you up with that . I know exactly what your talking about .
That’s why I’m saying listen to Fr Anthony De Mello please listen .
Also if people are putting you down .
There called resentments .
Write them on a sheet of paper .
Please listen to me .
I never said you were suicidal but putting up with it will drag you down .
You’ll end up hating yourself .
That’s where I’m coming at .
teachmetiger210503 · 36-40, M
@melissa001 even in your brokeness I want you to hold on to your soul do not snuff out the light within and do not be to passive as to mention a doormat. You have to see that love can be manipulative sometimes.
Sometimes you have to be alone to find yourself
I hope you do 🤗
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@Ghostinthemachine I will. Eventually. 😘
Raaii · 18-21, F
@melissa001 best of luck ✨🙇‍♀️💎
teachmetiger210503 · 36-40, M
The most beautiful word that exists is brokeness and healing follows
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@teachmetiger210503 do you think?. I think they are the deepest emotions one can go through.
Virgo79 · 61-69, M
Dont feel that way, you know what they say about opinions🙂
Life can be very hard and a never ending fight.
Accepting who you are .
Accepting your life .
Learning to love yourself.
When you love yourself.
Love who you are .
Then you will Love life ..🌺
@melissa001 Its never to late my dear .You can message me anytime I will reply..
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@TheStranger Thank you. I appreciate it.
@melissa001 Anytime 🌺
Hope you will find those pieces again. Relationships are difficult and can kill you without realizing it. Very sad, indeed
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@SW-User thank you. I hope so too. But I'll live. Life goes on.
@melissa001 It sure does
kodiac · 22-25, M
A broken crayon can still color just as beautifully as one not broken .
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@kodiac what deep insight. Good way to think of it.
Melissa... What happened? 🥺
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@HIROSHIDE accumulate of stuff over the years.
you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you need to leave.

i understand you are trying to turn your pain into something beautiful, and i see it. but trust and believe the only ones that find it truly beautiful and not see it for what it is are the exact type of ppl that you are ensnared to. 🖤
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@deathfairy I am not in or have been in an abusive relationship. I feel this way do to many years of disrespect, hurtfulness , opinionated people.
They use me for there gain. . No one takes me seriously and treat me if I am not a real person with feelings. Last night a guy on here that I'd been talking to for days. Started bad mouthing me saying degrading things to. Told me I act this do to my meds. The same stuff I ve heard my whole life people, even my family. I just reached a breaking point.

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