Gothic poetry....I know I am BROKEN

I thought more about my thoughts last night and came up with more. Sorry so long..

Peace is what I ache for. I am in conflict, I am insane. I am unworthy to be in your presence. I will bend to your will. I know better than to cause a scene, for you have taught me well.
With a snap of your fingers I will be captured in your snare. Not a word leaves my mouth for my opinion is unwanted. I am but your doormat, wipe your feet on me.
Where you lead I will follow steadily. If it is your wish to control me, then I am thy puppet.
My emotions are never validated. Put the weight of the world on me and I will survive.
I am here to make you happy, stroke your ego and sing your praises. Speak to me but of your wishes and I will obediently obey. Throw me your scraps and I will devour them.
I have no backbone for you have ripped it from me. If you show me love I will be indebted unto you. You cut out my heart and then feed it back to me.
I teeter on a cliffs edge, waiting for you to push.
I panic, I am anxious and I am depressed yet show no emotion.

I exist.
I am tired.
I am no one.
I AM BROKEN.

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

Hi Mellisa . I’m broken myself . Had experience of being broken .
Your never on an even keel with life .
Your broken times will make you stronger and then be broken again .
Reading your story you seemed to have a lot of self loathing , self hatred .
Self loathing would bring you to the depths of despair .
And why is it so subtle .
I tell you why .
The mental chatter don’t leave you see the goodness in you and your judging yourself based on that mental chatter .
That’s not you .
That mental chatter wants you to give up .
That’s not you .
Any situation in life don’t define who you are . We’re very good at putting bad labels on ourselves to crest mental chatters .
That’s where all the dark thoughts comes from .
You should listen to Fr Anthony De Mello . That man saved my life .
Please listen to him .
He has a YouTube video .
A very long one .
A rediscovery of life .
Have a listen to him .
I promise he’ll give you answers , better than anyone I know . He’s nice and simple about life . And he’s also not frightening to listen to if your starting off .

melissa001 · 51-55, F

@riseofthemachine I'm not suicidal. When you listen to everyone around put you down for one reason or another it's hard to see anything else.
I will get though this even if I still the same thoughts. Thank you.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@melissa001 😂😂😂. I know all about that Melissa trying to be put down . Do you wanna swap lives for a week and see ? 😂😂😂.
I’m only trying to brighten you up with that . I know exactly what your talking about .
That’s why I’m saying listen to Fr Anthony De Mello please listen .
Also if people are putting you down .
There called resentments .
Write them on a sheet of paper .
Please listen to me .
I never said you were suicidal but putting up with it will drag you down .
You’ll end up hating yourself .
That’s where I’m coming at .

teachmetiger210503 · 36-40, M

@melissa001 even in your brokeness I want you to hold on to your soul do not snuff out the light within and do not be to passive as to mention a doormat. You have to see that love can be manipulative sometimes.