How to not feel selfish for wanting love?

I know for some it may sound strange to say that but for me I have felt selfish when I long for something good. I know the root of the fear began growing up. I was made to feel I am bad, low and do not deserve good things. Had daily belittling, chaos and sometimes physical assault. So I just lately have been trying to ATTEMPT to believe I could deserve or want love too..although its HARD.
My mind will try to say I am being selfish to want something so good. Yet I see many many have and embrace love. It feels like extreme sadness inside thinking I am selfish to even want it. How can one not feel it is too good to want love?
(Romantic love I am referring to)
🩷🥺💜

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SW-User

overwrite the original transcript. it takes awareness, a dogged persistence and time. they are not the only ones capable of training your brain to think a certain way. you have ultimate access.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@SW-User I am trying..years now. Unfortunately the words that were severe and devastating were daily...many many years. My mind will not let go of many of those ideas no matter what i say to myself now. But I won't give up...I know now would I ever say these to a friend??? No no No. 🦋

SW-User

@Coralmist i'm glad you won't be giving up. say it out loud in a mirror every morning and night, and every time you hear their lying voices in your head.

i'm here to tell you that you absolutely do deserve to love and be loved 🫂

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@SW-User Aww thank you penti💙🌸

Abstraction · 61-69, M

@Coralmist I know that kind of programming runs deep and is hard to shift. Children whose parents or those around them failed to affirm... rarely feel anger - the overwhelming feeling is shame. As if you don't deserve it. And that's so wrong.

Have you tried being indignant? You were a little girl who deserved love, affirmation, being hugged, being believed in to help you become everything that was inside you to become. It's still there. That potential. Every time you give in to that programming it empowers that treatment. Whatever 'their' intention, how dare they?!? Respect yourself.

(I don't know - something to try. I do have self-esteem that can't be crushed - although I can be hurt deeply - and when I'm treated badly, indignation is my response.)

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Abstraction That is an interesting stance and I think I could truly benefit from it. Because anything good or related to love feels out of reach..like I simply don't deserve it. Shame yes😔 Ty so much friend. 💜

Abstraction · 61-69, M

@Coralmist I remember a drug and alcohol campaign on TV for young people that used a cool song and the slogan, 'respect yourself'. I liked it a lot because it didn't require you to love yourself, feel good inside or anything else. But it carried some attitude which is a little easier, and attitude shapes us.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@AbstractionYes it is less charged than LOVE yourself. Ty Abstraction. 🌠