Hurt By Her Response and Blame (Not Gaslighting)

It’s so much fun feeling gaslit in a panic when someone hurts you. My *it’s complicated* friend has a long trip from her job which she says she’ll let me know when she gets to her destination. She doesn’t. Five hours after she was supposed to be there I’ve heard nothing, and she doesn’t respond to calls or texts. Calls start to go straight to voicemail. So, I call her work who can’t get a hold of her either. At this point I’m terrified something happened to her. So, I try calling for a safety check at her destination. So, she gets mad at me for doing so and interrupting her sleep. So, yup… At least I know she’s safe… Even if she decides to stop talking to me I guess.

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twiigss · M

So, Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

I don't think her not letting you know she made it home safe from a long distance travel is gaslighting.

However, I completely understand the panic. I would have done the same exact thing you did. Several months ago I took a long distance trip, about an hour drive from a different state, and I never told my friend that I would let him know when I got home, and never text him when I did get home.

So then like the next day he text me and goes, hello?? Are you there?? Did you make it home safe? And then I was like oh crap I forgot to text and let him know that I made it home safe.

But I typically do that with my close relatives.

NewMan2015 · 41-45, M

@twiigss It was more about her blaming me for calling for help with it. Not the part where she failed to call me back. I have been actually gaslit in the past by an abuser. In my panic and her subsequent blaming me for checking on her not performing her side of our agreed upon and reciprocated check-in for safety, it FELT like that gaslighting though I know after the panic it technically isn’t. Thank you for your understanding as well.