Love & Attraction

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Why is it so hard to find true love?

Because people have unrealistic expectations. They put up so many defenses that they make it impossible for the person to get through

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Bexsy

@CookieCrumbs that's very true. I think older we get..we have seen more. Experienced more ..So we maybe expect more from others maybe? So disappointment is sometimes..quite frustrating

CookieCrumbs · F

@Bexsy
Exactly that. We can’t help it though. We’re all tainted by some experience with the wrong people in the past.

Bexsy

@CookieCrumbs very true. We all haunted by our personal ghosts

Spoiledbrat · F

There is no perfect love because there is no perfect person.

Ontheroad · M

I believe we are our own worst enemies in this regard. In short (sort of short) I believe we too often set about with the intent that this "true love" has to come to us just as we see it. That this person who will truly love us is this, that and the other, and that they will give us all that we need to be truly happy, truly felt loved in our defined "true love' scenario and in a way we recognize. And, there we are, out looking and we find him/her without knowing what it is they seek, other than in some superficial way. Two people seeking true love from another who seeks their true love, neither even wondering, not really, what it is they can day in and day out give to meet the others expectations of true love - to somehow magically and without effort be giving them what they need. It's akin to the blind leading the blind.

SW-User

Because, most people are held back by their own personal traumas and the way they manifest in their egos and behaviours. Until they're regulated in themselves, and the other person is also regulated in themselves, there will be clashes.
Love might even be true, but it has too many obstacles.

Chapmanblake · 56-60, M

@SW-User I agree with you

SW-User

Not sure what "true" even means anymore. But ego and idealistic expectations ruin lots' of things.
There is no romantic fairytale, it's two humans trying and putting out the effort and being consistent.

SW-User

I would also add - too much we base love on how we feel or a "feeling", but we all know how changeable and fickle feelings can be. Sure it might involve emotions but it takes commitment through the hard times.

MrBrownstone · 46-50, M

Because people fake.

BeefySenpie · M

Lack of conventional attractiveness, a limited social life or excessive desperation/standards

Torsten · 36-40, M

maybe because true love does not really exist and I mean that as in having a soul mate type of thing

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

All romantic love is true until it's not ...perceptions and time.

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

I think cuz everyone has a lot of walls up

Riverman2 · 56-60, M

It takes two, that's the tricky part. EACH one has to try to be the best partner the other could ever have, selflessly giving to the other. When either one stops doing that, it becomes lopsided and falls. So to have a shot at true love, one has to first BE a true lover.

SW-User

your expectations?

CookieCrumbs · F

But what exactly are you looking for? What is true love for you?

Chapmanblake · 56-60, M

@CookieCrumbs for me love is all about accepting each other with flaws and imperfections, I’m not looking for perfection because I feel perfection is about the ego.I’m looking for intelligence, kindness, sense of humor and reliability. Sometimes no matter what we think we’re looking for in a partner, the people we wind up choosing doesn’t necessarily match our criteria for an ideal companion.

CookieCrumbs · F

@Chapmanblake
Why do you think that happens? Do you believe we settle?

Chapmanblake · 56-60, M

@CookieCrumbs In my experience people settle because a part of them believe that is all they deserve or because they are desperate, are afraid of being alone or don’t think they would find anyone better. Often times a sense of unworthiness is deeply hidden in one’s subconscious, but it shows up in the choices we make. The ability not to settle is a matter of self esteem, preseverance and confidence.

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Riverman2 · 56-60, M

@nightjourney it can feel like that sometimes. Fact is we are all in this together.

SW-User

Unrealistic expectations.

Lostpoet · M

Tinder

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Chapmanblake · 56-60, M

@swirlie I used to think it was me, maybe I’m not good enough for anyone

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Chapmanblake · 56-60, M

@swirlie guess your right

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