How to feel that love is not too Good for you?

@Ontheroad I do feel that you have a valid point here, but.... I think it sets people up for failure in other ways. For example, it can blur the lines between romance and platonics. If intentions are not made clear, it's setting one party up to get hurt. Also, quite a few women are just out for dating with no expectations for a free meal and a chat.
I think between your methodology, and the alternative, there is a grey area.

I have a date this coming weekend for example. We've made intentions clear it's a date.

@Ontheroad Ty so much my friend, this really rings true to me. 🌺 I put a lot of pressure on if Im enough in my mind, because I feel they are not getting a whole person. Anxiety is part of my life and will cause me to decline certain fun things he may want to do😟 So I already have failed before I even date him, and it causes a lot of sadness in my life. Plus maybe HE COULD be just as terrified as me lol. I have missed out on a number of dates due to fear, and Im so TIRED of it. Ty again, if I can see it as simply FUN, maybe even like the guy will be seeing it as, I might lose this anxiety. Hugggg🌻😃

@ShadowWolf Oc course there are gray areas - even with the intent of it being a date there are gray areas, but this is directed specifically at someone who is... for want of a better word, afraid of going on a date.

And, any man or woman who goes on a first date with expectations of it being anything (other than a get to know one another thing) is setting themselves up for disappointment. Just my opinion, but I never went on a first date with any expectation other than to have fun and get to know my date. If a woman just wants to go out, chat and have fun, I've always been fine with that. My whole attitude is relax, it isn't a race or competition or anything but a chance to have fun and get to know someone.

@Coralmist Frist, thank you for the BC! Secondly, and most importantly, be who you are... you do that here and I and many others think you are absolutely smashing! Hugs right back at you my friend. 🌻🌺🌼🌷

P.S. Seriously, make some guy lucky... go out with him.

@Ontheroad I hear ya. I do think intent is important, and this particular individual should specifically let a guy know she wants to start as friends first. Based on what I've seen and chatted with her about. That way, the guy can chose to go out or not to go out with her, fair for both parties.

I agree with you regarding first date expectations. 100%. For me though, I only choose to go out with a woman if I've already chatted her a bit, and I'm genuinely attracted to her/see some potential. So there is a goal in mind, which is to hopefully connect and for it to turn into something if we hit it off. My time is valuable. Being a working man, and having many interests and a busy schedule, it would be a waste of time to simply go out with a woman I wasn't attracted to, just solely for fun or a chat. And a waste of money if I paid for the whole thing with no result.

@Ontheroad aww that means so much!!!! Thank you , Road.. you are such a wonderful person and I really appreciated your thoughts🌈🤗

@ShadowWolf See, that's where we differ and neither is right or wrong... just different. I've gone out with zero intent of it being anything but fun and I could care less if it cost me a few bucks. I just don't see how enjoying an evening out with a lovely lady could ever be a waste of time. Going out thinking of wasting time and money has always felt... I don't know, like whatever I'm offering is somehow more valuable than what she might be offering, that I expect a return on my investment or something. Just doesn't work for me.

@ShadowWolf I dont believe anyone can truly waste anothers time..every interaction with another is a gain, no matter if it ends in the term, Relationship, or not.

@Ontheroad It's a different strokes for different folks thing. In my case, it's nearly only the weekends where I can really "go out". Yes, on occasion a weeknight sure, but that's a little more difficult.
Weekends are usually where i need to cram most chores and my social outings into. So taking into consideration Friday night- Sunday night, I've got friends, family etc that take some of that time.
Leaving maybe one or two times a week for a first date with someone tops.

If a woman has no romantic desire with a man, she should make it clear, and not expect him to pay. Prior to the first date. A man should never just pay for a platonic outing with a woman. It's the 21st century here.
If the intent is there, if the attraction is there. Yes, guy should pay first date.

@Coralmist I disagree. The time spent that evening that led nowhere could be better spent with a friend of mine, or working on the 1957 car project. Casual dating is not for me. If I ask a girl out, intent is clear, and no pressure is put on, but the intent is known.

@ShadowWolf Letting a guy know Id like to take things slow or enjoy friendship first, isnt casual dating. So you are saying if a woman you really liked said " I enjoy you too, but hope we can get to know each other first, or take it slow", you wouldnt continue talking or seeing her?

@Coralmist I would say no to friendship first. The friendzone is not a place I want to be in this stage of life. And there is very little path from friends to romantic partners. Take things slow, sure, romantically of course (intent wise), as long as it was clear that it would eventually culminate fully, and that we weren't seeing anyone else after a few dates.

@ShadowWolf "..intent is clear.." is pressure. It is the very definition of pressure. In my opinion It says I don't want to be friends, I want more. If you aren't, even before we go out, all in on that, let's not do this.

@Ontheroad It's a small amount of "pressure" sure. But any quality woman with no emotional issues should be able to handle it. And if they are on the same page, with the intent of going into it for the romantic potential, there's zero pressure at all. If a woman I am attracted to is just looking for friends, I am certainly not interested in pursuing. Making it clear I'm looking for romance, or a relationship, is not detrimental. I feel setting the stage is important, because then the intentions may or may not line up and it leads to... you guessed it... heartbreak.

@ShadowWolf Yep, different strokes for different folks.

@Ontheroad Correct. Road, let me ask you a personal question, if I may. Has your method/outlook on the matter produced you a wife? Children? I am genuinely curious.

@ShadowWolf Yep, both. And, over the years a few long-term, live together relationships.

@Ontheroad Ah interesting. See those are my goals (wife/kids). I've had quite a few relationships including some live togethers. I've certainly needed to tone down the "romance", in recent time. It would appear the world has changed some. I was brought up very old school. Meaning: court, date, marry. So anything outside of that, makes no sense to me. I just don't see how one can get out of the friendzone, once that's all a woman views you as. Or vice versa. That also leaves the possibility for them to date someone else, while you are their friend, and I've seen where the guy who was friendzoned gets totally devastated due to that.
I even had it happen to me, in early college. I was smitten by a particular woman, she friend zoned me, and i continued with hopes of winning her over. She ended up going out with someone else and getting into a relationship shortly after.
When I confronted her about it, she said "I blew my chance a while ago". That while ago was when the intentions weren't made clear I was attracted to her as more than a friend.

It happened a second time to me as well, I befriended a girl, hung out with her, picked her up from work, got to know her family... and then I asked her out on a date officially a year later. She declined. Since I had rapport with her mother, I asked why I got rejected. Her mother said "she doesn't want to ruin the friendship if a relationship doesn't work out". Meanwhile, I find out that she was attracted to my best friend at the time! And he had sex with her once and then threw her away.

I took those as lessons, and that's part of what shaped my mentality on the matter. From that point on, I refused to be an "orbiter" or "friendzoned". It completely changed that way I approached women. And, the change worked. At LEAST until 2021, where there seemed to start a huge trend of dating with no expectations/casual dating.