4:15am of June 5, 2025 is when I begin writing this post, which I shall proudly pronounce to be the final post I make here
I have no right to be on SW, I don't feel like exposing my mind and eyes to what else is going on, that's the big one.
2ndly -- I don't see how I could provide anything of use to anyone else, for me it's a cause of jubilation if I merely understand a single thing.
3rdly -- My film and show collection overview is a futile exercise and diverts my attention to what feels more important.
If I use the internet in an active sense it will be where my fledgling grasp on my interests is the main thing, so that there can be learning in a serious environment, I would even pay for such a thing when I'd be ready.
I am deeply sorry for taking up space and time for all who've read my words, these thoughts that would be shameful even for a 12 yr old, i've wasted my life, and it's better for me on the whole to have no platform on which to speak, so that the darkness of my non-knowledge doesn't take away the light of knowing in others.
I post this to make it official, people have been very nice here, and I thank you all, for the last few years I've wanted to get the hell out of here, not because of the people here, but because I don't have a place here, it's not a good fit.
The absolute and calm buzz that I get from seclusion, of not infecting anyone else is a thing I enjoyed previous to 2011, over a decade of not really being in the mental scape.
I've said this so many times, i'm sure no one who remembers takes this seriously, and that's as it should be, for there to be sympathizers for the almost crazy loon would only make me feel like sticking around making the same old foolish decisions to mar the perfect unity that would be here without me.
I just want to end on a positive note here, I love what i'm doing, it had elements of great pleasure to manage in a small way to enunciate some of the things I wanted to say, but when I read professional thought, I cannot get another grade than a resounding F. I fail at integration with the human species, with a keyboard I managed to do better than any way else, but still a failing mark must be given.
Alone with the resources, not boasting about them, but daily and nightly feeding on them, having what my dad would call mountain top experiences with them, writing only to myself, and when I feel competent to see if there's any cyber community that I could join where intelligent folk in these spheres can keep me going on this journey, the journey that keeps going as long as people exist, which I join in private, being a part of something, but alone for an indeterminate amount of time.
I love what I'm doing, and thank you to everyone here, I hope someone might get the itch to learn in general from my failures here, to use unsatisfaction in one's self as a propelling to higher achievements.
4:33am
2ndly -- I don't see how I could provide anything of use to anyone else, for me it's a cause of jubilation if I merely understand a single thing.
3rdly -- My film and show collection overview is a futile exercise and diverts my attention to what feels more important.
If I use the internet in an active sense it will be where my fledgling grasp on my interests is the main thing, so that there can be learning in a serious environment, I would even pay for such a thing when I'd be ready.
I am deeply sorry for taking up space and time for all who've read my words, these thoughts that would be shameful even for a 12 yr old, i've wasted my life, and it's better for me on the whole to have no platform on which to speak, so that the darkness of my non-knowledge doesn't take away the light of knowing in others.
I post this to make it official, people have been very nice here, and I thank you all, for the last few years I've wanted to get the hell out of here, not because of the people here, but because I don't have a place here, it's not a good fit.
The absolute and calm buzz that I get from seclusion, of not infecting anyone else is a thing I enjoyed previous to 2011, over a decade of not really being in the mental scape.
I've said this so many times, i'm sure no one who remembers takes this seriously, and that's as it should be, for there to be sympathizers for the almost crazy loon would only make me feel like sticking around making the same old foolish decisions to mar the perfect unity that would be here without me.
I just want to end on a positive note here, I love what i'm doing, it had elements of great pleasure to manage in a small way to enunciate some of the things I wanted to say, but when I read professional thought, I cannot get another grade than a resounding F. I fail at integration with the human species, with a keyboard I managed to do better than any way else, but still a failing mark must be given.
Alone with the resources, not boasting about them, but daily and nightly feeding on them, having what my dad would call mountain top experiences with them, writing only to myself, and when I feel competent to see if there's any cyber community that I could join where intelligent folk in these spheres can keep me going on this journey, the journey that keeps going as long as people exist, which I join in private, being a part of something, but alone for an indeterminate amount of time.
I love what I'm doing, and thank you to everyone here, I hope someone might get the itch to learn in general from my failures here, to use unsatisfaction in one's self as a propelling to higher achievements.
4:33am
46-50, M
