This is just for me 🖤 not sympathy, not pity and definitely not advice.

This is me.


I'm a 39 year old single Mom as society would identify me. But inside, is a vast world that I unfortunately can't tap into as often as I like because of the constraints of my label and duties of my willingness to actually be a good Mom.

I know I am judged by my cover a lot. People do not want to be my friend and men would use me more if they could. I am a giver and for that I attract the most selfish individuals on the planet. The kind that hurt you.

Without getting into it, I have been hurt, like most people could say they have. Rape, suicide, death, lies and manipulation have been a common occurrence in my life. Also adventure, art, music and more laughter than anything else.

I feel good though. I feel like I have always been true to myself even as I grew and did brave things, I know who I am, what I want and I believe in myself.

In dark times I've taken a lot of bullying and abuse. I have permanent nausea because of it. Fibromyalgia pain and bouts of anxiety/depression and isolation.

At this point in my life, if I stop and look at myself, I like what I see. I would be friends with me and I do try to be good to myself in the absence of support and kindness from others. I have learned how to make it alone.

That feels great, but also, I know no one will ever see my worth. I know what people are mostly after and I can't be their endless supply anymore. Not ever again. And I'm tired of taking a lashing from people who aren't secure enough in themselves to understand I'm secure with myself.

I don't care if you think I'm ugly.
I don't care if you think I'm too much or not enough.
I don't care if you don't like who I am.
I don't care about your opinions of me at all.

What I really want to say is, I like me and I know no one else will, so I don't want to feel bad about it anymore.

It's taken a long time to heal and grow and nobody will ever make me feel bad about myself again. Nobody even really knows me except my son. The next step is just to keep giving him a good life and keep myself healthy and on track to figure out what to do once I'm not consumed with motherhood. Short term goals with long term ambitions. And I don't need much of anything except for my son to be okay. And maybe some art supplies, library card, my dog and my van.

Cheers to the freaks that aren't afraid of who they are 🖤