Just a bit of venting and I apologize
It's been an uneventful summer yet again. But my sister is doing worse with her diabetes every week, and horrible neuropathy. She's only 38 and keeps saying she's going to die within a year. :( I can't live without her, she's my BEST friend. She is the best person you will ever meet. TRULY.
And now the lipoma in my stomach (benign) keeps getting sharp pains, so I need to message my doctor soon to have it removed. (a CT scan didn't even pick it up last year).
But I'm VERY nervous of blood pressure checks so I avoid doctors whenever I can. :( So I'm nervous on that too.
And on top of THAT, I"ve had months of a possible issue with my urinary tract. Every time I pee, I always have to go again a second or third time. It's frustrating , and it seems to leak a bit after too. I thought this occurs in your 70's not your 40's. :( Just another thing I'm nervous about. It's been going on several months and it's time to find out what it might be.
Anyway, it seems to never end, and on top of all THOSE things, I watch everyone around me date, get married etc. and I still feel unworthy (due to having severe PTSD). It's like when will real joy ever be a part of my life? When will I feel I can and should take up space, and that despite my chronic disorder, that I'm worthy of love? I feel I can never access actually believing I deserve love. It's a feeling of hopelessness. I really need to find a psychologist to help me (therapists just nod, always). Again I'm sorry for the rant, but sometimes life feels simply too MUCH. Theres one silver lining, I'm going to treat myself to lunch tomorrow. Hell maybe even a Pina Colada. 🍍
And now the lipoma in my stomach (benign) keeps getting sharp pains, so I need to message my doctor soon to have it removed. (a CT scan didn't even pick it up last year).
But I'm VERY nervous of blood pressure checks so I avoid doctors whenever I can. :( So I'm nervous on that too.
And on top of THAT, I"ve had months of a possible issue with my urinary tract. Every time I pee, I always have to go again a second or third time. It's frustrating , and it seems to leak a bit after too. I thought this occurs in your 70's not your 40's. :( Just another thing I'm nervous about. It's been going on several months and it's time to find out what it might be.
Anyway, it seems to never end, and on top of all THOSE things, I watch everyone around me date, get married etc. and I still feel unworthy (due to having severe PTSD). It's like when will real joy ever be a part of my life? When will I feel I can and should take up space, and that despite my chronic disorder, that I'm worthy of love? I feel I can never access actually believing I deserve love. It's a feeling of hopelessness. I really need to find a psychologist to help me (therapists just nod, always). Again I'm sorry for the rant, but sometimes life feels simply too MUCH. Theres one silver lining, I'm going to treat myself to lunch tomorrow. Hell maybe even a Pina Colada. 🍍
