Why cant i control myself? How can i fix myself?

Back when i was a little kid, between 5-8, i had been punished several times because of my mistakes not only by my parents, but also my uncles. I couldn't control anything and i can't stay behave back then. Do you know the feeling when your controlling your actions, but actually not? Yeah, that's what i always feel.

Fast forward to when its the 1st day of 7nth grade, i am still the same old clumsy, and "bad" daughter that's trying everything to change. On the first day i swore myself to not get a head of myself and start being a real teen, but no, it didn't work. I really cant control myself. During 7nth grade ive been nothing but a classmate who's noisy, dumb, and everything a student is avoiding to become, and obviously ive been called out by the teachers a lot of times.

The worst part is i am so sensitive, every time any one gets angry at me i engrave it deeply into my heart and mind leading me not to forget every mistake i had done. Sometimes i accidentally say not so good things to my classmates, and thats another thing i hate myself for One time a teacher said. "Mrs. Ocean, do you not think of your actions? Why don't i transfer you to the lowest section of this school and compare you to other kids in that section. Oh wait, then we wouldn't be able to spot you."

In front of my goddamn class. I swear i wanted to cry so hard that time. (the reason why the teachers said that is because i laughed at my friends drawing of my classmates funny face.) Mind you i am trying every ounce of my mental power to change myself into a better person. Now i am at 9nth grade and i decided to take homeschool and isolate myself from everyone because my source of uncontrollable state comes from things that excites and makes me happy the most.