Im tired. Please feel free to reply with advice. im kind of desprate at this point

Ever since i was about 9-11 ive felt so lonely and empty, i couldnt really get friends easily, had to fake my personality and appearance just to fit in and that didnt do much either since i was kind of a backround character in everyones lives. Even now i only have 2 friends and even they dont fit me. Everytime i talk to them i feel tired and totally lose my energy for the day. I feel selfish all the time. Im not an angry person yet i lash out on people i love and im constantly in my room, rotting and rotting everysingle day. I dont have motivation to do anything and all i do is cry or scroll through fucking social media. I hate it yet thats all i do all day. Ive been skipping classes constantly and therepy dosent help. Its just another chore to even go there and talk. Sometimes i even lie about everything: "im doing great!" "i feel like im improving!". i still dont know why but i do. All i think about is where my life got so wrong? i have a totally normal family. Yet i hate even hearing their voices from time to time. I hate spending time with them. Ive never felt more selfish in my life, i dont even remember one day where i felt fine. I dont wanna bother anyone with my problems cuz i feel like ill fuck up our relationship so i decided to come here, i just need to say someting or else i might explode.