Im tired. Please feel free to reply with advice. im kind of desprate at this point

Ever since i was about 9-11 ive felt so lonely and empty, i couldnt really get friends easily, had to fake my personality and appearance just to fit in and that didnt do much either since i was kind of a backround character in everyones lives. Even now i only have 2 friends and even they dont fit me. Everytime i talk to them i feel tired and totally lose my energy for the day. I feel selfish all the time. Im not an angry person yet i lash out on people i love and im constantly in my room, rotting and rotting everysingle day. I dont have motivation to do anything and all i do is cry or scroll through fucking social media. I hate it yet thats all i do all day. Ive been skipping classes constantly and therepy dosent help. Its just another chore to even go there and talk. Sometimes i even lie about everything: "im doing great!" "i feel like im improving!". i still dont know why but i do. All i think about is where my life got so wrong? i have a totally normal family. Yet i hate even hearing their voices from time to time. I hate spending time with them. Ive never felt more selfish in my life, i dont even remember one day where i felt fine. I dont wanna bother anyone with my problems cuz i feel like ill fuck up our relationship so i decided to come here, i just need to say someting or else i might explode.

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MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

Used to be like that, and still am a lot like that as well but now im not upset about it anymore and I'm a lot happier. Being on the other side of things, I'd recommend forming a crystal clear image in your mind of who you want to be that you can realistically become if everything worked out in an ideal way. That is the person you strive to become, your ideal, and it will be attainable. Just knowing who you are and living your life in a way that makes sense to you (even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else) is the cure.

MaBalzEsHari · 36-40, M

Sounds like classic clinical depression. Seek psychiatric help. There are meds..........but the exact doses is impossible to hit the first time. Too many variables. Don't give up if initial meds don't work..........it just takes adjustments to meds and doses until they do work.....and that takes time..

YoMomma ·

You don't have to fake your personality or looks just be who you are.. do you know what triggered your anger and resentment? Do you ever remember being happy and what changed?

PizzaChaser · 18-21, FNew

@YoMomma Im not sure but i think its mostly because of school, any conversation with my parents started with: "did you study yet?" "when is that test?" "dont forget to study" and it kind of ticked me off, i hate how thats the first thing in their minds