It's over it's over it's over it's over

I'm so upset, I can't even form thoughts, I want to cry but I can't. I can't even because I'm never alone. I hate this. When will I be free? Free from all this pain? Is there no other way? I said something rude to a friend. I didn't mean it. I was just upset in the moment. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, I'm just jealous that you have it worse than me. I want to feel something. I don't care if it's depression but I just want to feel something other than this numbness. I want to have hope. It's not fair. Why? Why can you have it better? They're trying to help you. No one ever wants to help me. Or they can't. They never understand what I say. It's not fair. It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair