why did this happen to me?

why did i het sexually assulted/raped so many times as a little kid. by diff people why? am i made to get destroyed in this life it left a big impact on me and my personality today i feel so vulnerable i cant stop crying i ignore all of this most of the time but at least once a month it hits me hard and i get flashbacks i dont know what to do anymore i feel like ending it all cause im never gonna be a normal girl that i shouldve been if this all didnt happen i keep fantasizing about my life thinking how i would be as a person if this didnt happen. i dont know what to do. im so lost

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ScreamingFox

I know the feeling and I can tell you it can get better. Therapy can help to a point but there are all kinds of practices that can ease symptoms. You will find your way. I live with it too and sometimes it makes me go way off track but I've learned that those hard times do pass. It's hard in the moment, you think you're trapped in it forever but I assure you there is much beauty still to life. You are not stuck in this.