why did this happen to me?

why did i het sexually assulted/raped so many times as a little kid. by diff people why? am i made to get destroyed in this life it left a big impact on me and my personality today i feel so vulnerable i cant stop crying i ignore all of this most of the time but at least once a month it hits me hard and i get flashbacks i dont know what to do anymore i feel like ending it all cause im never gonna be a normal girl that i shouldve been if this all didnt happen i keep fantasizing about my life thinking how i would be as a person if this didnt happen. i dont know what to do. im so lost

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SW-User

I’m so sorry, your feelings are valid and they matter. You need to talk with someone about this. Someone you trust, preferably a therapist specialized in trauma like itsok said. Things will get better , I promise.

sunnysun · 18-21, F

@SW-User do you know where i can start? can i find a therapist and talk to them without them calling the police cause of my situation? thank you so much for your advice much love ❤