Heartache cannot describe my pain

I met a girl online in 2016, we hit it off and became really good friends, we spent almost every single day of the past 8 years together, playing games, watching movies, chatting, opening up etc.. we were essentially inseparable. I've been there for her through everything. Her cancer, her unemployment, her homelessness. I assisted her with everything she ever needed and always put her ahead of me every single time. I genuinely loved her with all my heart and didn't ask for anything in return other than for her to love me back. And for a while she did.

Those past couple of weeks have been the absolute worst of my life. We recently joined a new game and met some new people, of them was a guy who lived somewhat close to her and he's been flirting with her, we had an argument about it and I escalated the situation and really got angry, and for the most part I'll admit that I made a mistake and went over the line by saying that I didn't like how close they were and I didn't want her to meet him. She didn't like that and felt as if I'm controlling her life and telling her what she can and cannot do. So we stopped talking for a few days and let things "cool down"

only to come back that during the time we were not talking her and him got even closer, and started playing other games together and even met IRL. And that freaked me out and made me even more angry. She didn't tell me, she didn't say anything she just decided to meet a guy we just met and give him the opportunity the I always asked for. (I've been asking to meet her for years but she always said she wasn't ready)

Now they are spending all their time together, calling, gaming a meeting irl. Basically doing everything that I have always wanted to do. I have been replaced.
And a few nights ago she tells me she now has feelings for this guy but she doesn't want to lose either of us.

How can someone who she just met replace me so quick.. after everything that I've done for her..

I can't sleep, I can't eat I can't think.. I've been completely destroyed and I don't know what to do.
I understand that it's her life and she can do whatever she pleases. But I've invested 8 years of my life into this relationship, I've invested thousands of dollars and endless sleepless nights.
My whole life revolved around this relationship and it succeeding. And now I feel so lost and heartbroken.

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PerfectionOfTheHeart · 46-50, F Best Comment

So sorry that it ended up the way that it did. While everyone’s journey is different, I went through something similar and I have to say the bounce back from such a…the first word that came to mind was betrayal…takes an incredible amount of time to heal. It’s still a very fresh wound for you so unfortunately you’re going to have to welcome every ounce of the pain that comes in order to begin the detachment that needs to come because it is a part of ultimately moving forward with your life. Within the grieving process of the relationship you have to realize that maybe, just maybe you didn’t have the solid relationship that you thought you had despite so many things saying you did. We often disregard the red flags others wave because we’re that blinded by how well they fill a void within and unfortunately we’ve become that dependent on making them happy because it means we don’t have to feel the effects of that void. After the initial grief of losing the relationship, you have to look past the love, mutual benefits, and overall good times the connection entailed and uncover the signs that might’ve screamed how weak the foundation you two built on actually was. It is directing your focus on that that brings about further detachment from the love story your heart and even mind created. But first it’ll royally suck getting to that clarity.

Feel what demands to be felt, but don’t lose yourself in the process. It only adds to her victory that she is continuing to celebrate while knowing she’s hurting you. Knowing that she can do such a thing after everything you two have been through should give you plenty of proof of how little love and respect she actually had for you. It’s a part of the acceptance that needs to come so you can start to pick up the pieces and heal your heart. My heart is still healing and I think given how deep the wound is it’ll be healing for a long time. But remembering how he ultimately made me feel about myself and the time and energy I put into our relationship after I removed the rose-tinted glasses tells me how lucky I am to no longer be tethered to someone like that anymore because I legitimately lost myself to feeding his happiness. And through all the pain and embarrassment that still exists from it I ultimately thank him for revealing what I will no longer accept in my life, and who I will never be again.

Rico96 · 26-30, M

@PerfectionOfTheHeart thank you a lot for taking your time and sharing your experience with me. I know it won't be easy and that eventually things will get better again.
Seeing that others experienced something similar and still made it out and have found peace afterwards makes me hopeful that I too shall heal and feel better.