Kinda morbid thought

I have a heart appointment thing on the 18th cause last time I was at the doctor they checked and heard a slight murmur or smth, it's probably nothing but for reason part of me hopes it's something for whatever reason. Maybe a form of self-hatred..I really don't know

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Sometimesitsbetter2letsome1go

Maybe you want proof that there’s something wrong with you? It may not be a form of self-hatred but rather a form of proving illness? That there is actually something wrong with you? Is there any other symptoms such as pain or discomfort? Because fit here is, that thought process may just be the desire to gain some form of explanation.

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