Depersonalization?

Ever since I was young, I built daydreams. I would watch tv shows and love the premise but hate what they did with it. I would imagine it differently, everything I would imagine differently. It went from small things like that, to my own life. It was my way to cope, every disappointment I would block out with something nicer. Every trauma, conflict, hurt. I would imagine it differently. It isn’t as if I believe it to be true, no I’m self aware that it’s definitely not reality but I created this world in my head almost. Somewhere with pure love, somewhere peaceful. I would retreat to that place constantly but now, I can’t even do simple things without it coming up. I sincerely don’t know what has been happening to me. I constantly get sucked into my mind. I could be doing something mundane like having a conversation but then it’s as if I just keep leaving even if what I’m doing isn’t at all disappointing. I am not present, I don’t feel there but instead in the back of my head imagining it differently. It feels so pathetic at times. I’m grateful for what I have of course but I can’t stop retreating into my mind. I can’t control it. I’m so scared of this and I so badly wish I was content, that this would stop.

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Dignaga

These are all Basal Ganglia linked functions, and is actually a normal stable personality type.

Here:

https://www.mentalsymmetry.com/exhorter-detail.htm

In his theory I'm a INTJ Contributor. Everything you described is generic Exhorter.

He has alot more on his website, but links everything in the basal ganglia to cranial nerves, which is interlinked to your MBTI Type (the author is a INTJ Perceiver according to his theory). The tests online are free and sorta accurate (I'm much better at testing people in person).

https://www.16personalities.com

If you take the tests and read up a bit we can work out a bit more what is wrong, and what is actually quite normal and to be expected.

fortunesfool · 16-17, M

@Dignaga I read the link on the Exhorter type, I felt like I relate to most of what it’s described as but the part about having a loud voice I felt was a little less relatable. I feel like from there it just described everything I wish I was but currently am not. I tend to observe more on the sidelines rather than in the center to be completely honest. I also took the test (a few times to make sure) on 16 personalities and was typed with infp, it was really interesting to read about that. Thank you for sharing this :)

Dignaga

@fortunesfool if you are ever more interested in going more indepth, hit me up.