I'm honestly so done with living.

I'm on my last straw, and my day just keeps getting worser, It's like everytime, the rope starts to just snap a little more, before I commit. I might get saved i might not but honestly I think sometimes if i was just mute , everything would be better for other people, Loud noises scare me, especially when someone screams loudly or it resembles and adult yelling in anger, especially when the tone is anger or annoyance. I honestly want to end it all but I'm too scared to do it. I want to stay two weeks clean i don't wanna go back to self harm. I don't wanna see those cuts but every second my day gets shitteir to the point i can't take it and i can't even cry. I can't even get upset without thinking that people are judging my every move, It had become a habit for me too look around when i say something or when i do something, thinking i'm getting judged 24/7 and no one takes me seriously and it sucks that i'm the happy go lucky friend who is extrioverted when i tell people i'm an introvert they stare at me like i'm crazy like i'm lying labelling me as ' impossible to be introverted' telling me that i'm probably wrong, I've been told i was wrong for so many times i'm just so sick and tired of this. when i tell my family i'm introverted they all laugh and act as if I'm crazy as if i aren't allowed to be an introvert as if i can't have my down days as if i'm just a joke to them. everyone treats me nlike a joke i'm starting to think i am , maybe i'm just meant to be a dummy embarrassing myself. the joke. The elephant in the room. the outcast. the weird one. the one who is annoying, the one who is always happy. the one who you can joke about all you want and shell never get mad or upset. but behind that label i am just a fragile person. I can't take a joke. a weakling who just talks alot a burden to people. a disturbing person in class meant to just be a memory , maybe nkit even one lol. doupt anyone would remember me at all. someone who doesn't deserve to be choice someone who deserves to stay in the shadows, someone who isn't taken seriously because i am not serious. I don't know how to take this mask off... I want to but everytime i see people , it's like this amsk has a mind of it's on like the mask just appears and acts by itself.

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EarthlingWise

Hey there. You are probably not seeing other people's masks. Maybe some of us have started building themselves a shield against aggression earlier than others. Maybe some of us have grown in the (protective/ overpowering) shadow of someone else, a sibling, a parent and failed to develop some strategies to assert ourselves.
But we are all entitled to make the most of our lives. And we all have qualities that can be useful to fellow human beings. Take back this right. You are very young, you have time to develop skills and confidence.

Ashypop · 18-21, F

@EarthlingWise just because i'm young doesn't mean that i can't feel emotions ,just because i'm in school does not mean that I have no rights to be upset or feel unwanted okay? i'm not taking what i said back if any one should take their words back it's you, because of people like you dismissing teens and other peoples mental health, this is the kind of comment that will make people feel like they don't deserve to feel upset, this is supposed to be a safe space,u are the type of people who make others feel like they don't deserve anything at all. this post is about me not the other people so stop it, there's a reason i come here anonymously to vent . but comments like yours are just bringing others down more. so if you think what i write is unreasonable, then don't even comment.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

I could only make it to the end of your first sentence. Go to your local hodpital. To the ER. Emergency Room. Get assessed by a psychiatrist. You need help. You won't find the kind you need here. You will be evaluated. Do this or the world will eat you alive. You are young. Hopefully they can help you. You may need to attend meetings to support you. Others who are lost too. Do this now. Before it is your whole life like the way you sound now. Retired RN.

ffony · M

@Ashleypop: Sounds as if you need two things: Therapy, probably in a group setting, and Detox (with quitting.) I've experienced the first, to my benefit; but I've never done drugs - Well, cigarettes which I eventually managed to quit by myself.

In a nutshell - you sound to me as if you urgently need competent help.

badminton · 61-69, MVIP

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

I understand.

Motzu

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