Struggles & Identity > Life

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Im not sure what to do…

So i moved back to my home country to be with my boyfriend, but ever since i came back things are not the same, we barely talk, he just seems to have shut me out of updates on his life, he has a new job and knocks off at 5, its hard to ever see him as my mum wont allow me to be out after 7,which makes things more difficult to bond and do stuff…so its hard to see him. I really do not know what to do. I did talk to him about how hes changed since i came back and he didnt respond. Before i came, we would be on the phone for over 4hrs a day,calls and texts all day long,, now i barely get a good morning. When i see him, hes so great, gives me attention, wants to laugh and chill but the minute i go back home he shuts down again. Im confused, annoyed, hurt that i dropped my life to be in this situation and i regret it. Now i cant afford to move back out again. Dealing with being treated like a child at home to being neglected by the person i came for. Im 33 btw.

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ABCDEF7 · M

Time to decide how you going to live your life ahead.

in10RjFox · M

@ABCDEF7 wish SW had online marriage..so she can give an ultimatum.. if you don't decide in couple of days I will get married to someone from SW 😀

ABCDEF7 · M

@in10RjFox But that ultimatum can also be given in person. For any relationship to survive, an open & clear communication is a must.

in10RjFox · M

@ABCDEF7 but one can't show proof.. in SW there would be status to show.. Engaged online to be married

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox 🤭 i like that ultimatum

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@ABCDEF7 thats my belief as well. If theres issues we address them. We were doing all that, until i moved back 2months ago

ABCDEF7 · M

@in10RjFox That is why a legal marriage is necessary to bind the relationship with responsibility & commitments.

in10RjFox · M

@ABCDEF7 what she has lost now is her freedom and independence that she was enjoying before returning home. Coming back into restrictive life after that, and that too at this age.. is what is worrying her now. She must be cursing the guy for pulling her back home in the name of marriage.

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@ABCDEF7 i dont want to get married to get ‘freedom’ of being with a partner. I want to freely date and enjoy that. But its pretty impossible now

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 then why not move in with him and start living in ? Is he alone or with parents ?

ABCDEF7 · M

@Pinkdove74 If I got it right, your problem is not with the boyfriend, it's with your mom parenting you at this age. I guess, you have to leave the city for that.

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ABCDEF7 · M

@in10RjFox That's a good option if it can be implemented.

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 then take her along then .. as the house needs a grandmother. Already has kids .. and she has to live by your rules. 😀

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox funny enough she doesnt mind coming late as long as shes third wheeling on our dates

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 😀😀😀 take the kids along on your dates . Why leave them out. Put her and the kids in a room..

You first need to file a divorce with your mother now.

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox lol thats funny…. But how do i file a divorce from her without causing a hail storm and ruining our relationship?

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 Jokes apart she is actually a child who does not want to get left out. Also you didn't bring your dad up .. which I assume she is single for whatever reason.

So you just need to remind her that you are an adult and that she can keep interfering in your life. So subtly start bossing or gaining superiority over her. Keep posing what-if questions .. like you are being called for the same job and you may go back.. or you want to go overseas

Say that you will be coming home late . Or going out of town for a couple of days.

Like slowly withdrawing yourself from her clutches .

There may be some insecurity in her which you could find out.. maybe find her a partner or make her go out on dates .

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox so iv been trying to do exactly all of that and iv been met with hostility….. iv tried having a calm conversation about time and instead told the whole family im trying to rule her in her house so i backed off….my dad stays in a different town, i hardly see him but we have a pretty good relationship…. Iv told her im planning on going back and all she was worried about is that im throwing away a chance to a wedding. You just cant reason with her without being met with hostility. I feel so trapped and highly depressed i cry at night.

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 looks like your zodiacs don't align.. she must be a water sign..

Do you have a job now? May be find one first so you don't need to be at home.. what work were you doing when away?

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox lol probably,,,im an Air Sign….. i was a sales consultant for a resort developer,,, i also did language translation…. Yah il have to get a job in-order to raise money to leave again and start over, i have started job hunting.

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 what languages do you do translation for?

Pinkdove74 · 31-35, F

@in10RjFox French, Malagasy and English

in10RjFox · M

@Pinkdove74 shall pm you for translation to French.